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Print Posted on 03/07/2018 in Pregnancy

10 Things Nobody Ever Tells New Moms About the First Weeks with a Newborn

10 Things Nobody Ever Tells New Moms About the First Weeks with a Newborn

Cuddling up to your small bundle of nerves for the first time will alter your life dramatically and show you a type of love you haven’t experienced before. Holding that small, warm bundle for the first time, breathing in the sweet scent of his/her hair and staring into his/her gorgeous eyes and understanding that this warm bundle completely redefines the meaning of love, you will think that all previous things, which were associated with negative moments worth nothing compared to what you are having right now. You are continuously trying to numb your emotions, but nothing can help you because only a thought of having a wonderful baby with languorous dark–blue eyes cuddled against you sparkles so many emotions within you. Everything that you are doing now, you envisioned being with your baby. But the appearance of the newborn is closely associated with two emotional dimensions: emotions of wonder, miracle, and happiness in case if everything is all right and will be all right, or emotions of anger, frustration, and guilt if everything is wrong, or will be wrong. Everything suddenly revolves around this tiny, helpless small bundle of nerves (as he/she is constantly screaming, bursting into tears, and crying), and the familiar road–markers of your previous life have suddenly disappeared.

(1) You Will Love Your Newborn even if You Don’t Feel the Emotional Connection, Because You Will be completely Amused and Spellbound by the Tiny, Helpless, Curled up, or Cuddled to the Pillow Little Being

First, it is being totally Confused. Embarrassed. Indignant. Intimidated. Numb. Lost. First, Love CONFUSES you. It EMBARRASSES you. It INTERFERES with your plans. It CANCELS something essential for you. It INTERVENES something valuable for you. It makes you BREATHLESS and NUMB. It makes you NERVOUS. It makes you SHOCKED. It makes you INSPIRED. It makes your eyes LANGUOROUS and GLITTERING. It makes your smile CURLING UP even if you want to hide it. It makes your hands TREMBLING. It makes you GLOW from inside. It makes all your gestures GORGEOUS. It makes your breath HARD. It makes your thoughts TWISTED UP. It makes your remembrances FADE. It makes you understand those GLANCES, which haven’t been GLIMPSED yet. It makes you understand those WORDS, which haven’t been UTTERED yet. It makes you understand those GESTURES, which haven’t been DEMONSTRATED yet. It makes you understand those SMILES, that haven’t been CURLED yet. It makes you understand those THOUGHTS, which haven’t been VERBALIZED yet. It makes you understand those WORDS, which are HIDDEN in the soul through the FLIRTATIOUS GLANCE, through the INTRIGUING SMILE, through a DEEP BREATH, through the DELICATE TOUCH, through the single WHISPERED WORD.

(2) You May Not FEEL that Delicate Unbreakable Emotional Connection Between You and Your Newborn

Even the very first day together can be less than okay. And you will be so sorry for that. But you shouldn’t feel that way, especially if your epidural anesthesia didn’t work and by the time you were done pushing and your small bundle with glittering tearful eyes curled up, was placed on your chest, and you could barely keep your eyes open. Because you were so emotionally exhausted. Because you were so physically exhausted that you have only faded remembrances about that crucial first hour of skin–to–skin contact with your small bundle of nerves or you don’t remember that crucial first hour of being together at all. You miss out on that first bonding experience as you tried to process everything that was going on, so quickly, while trying to stay conscious. This first bounding experience was far away from perfect. This first ‘DATE’ with your small bundle of nerves was far away from that unique moment that you have envisioned in your mind as the momentum of cordial connection going through putting the accents of charm and romance into this first ‘date’. The elements which surprise and create the feeling of mystery and intrigue. Something beautiful. Something cordial. Something extraordinary. Unfortunately, it wasn’t like that. All that you remember is that you were presented with the wonderful blush bouquet of unfolded peonies, left you feeling inspired, spellbound, and even gorgeously smiling, that is it. And it can take more than two months before you truly will feel connected to your baby.

(3) The Comfort of Your Home Won’t Help You to Feel Yourself Absolutely Calm

One hour after your baby was born, it was a whirlwind of doctors, nurses, visits from those people who you wished to see while staying at the hospital, bloody trips to the bathroom, feeble attempts at breastfeeding, excruciatingly painful IVs and medical procedures, ultimately, you were left alone with your brand new, curled up to the tiny pillow, crying baby – and the inexperience of motherhood weighing down on you at 03 AM. You had been awake for almost 48 hours straight. You were embarrassed, scared, exhausted, and vulnerable. The only your thought was about what had you gotten yourself into? Eventually, you got home from the hospital. If you thought that the comfort of home would help you, you should know that your struggles to nurse will be overwhelming and it won’t matter where you are, you will still feel inadequate and intimidated. For several weeks you will feel tortured, your body will be healing from giving birth and your breasts will be bleeding and burning from nursing. You will burst into tears as soon as your small bundle of nerves will cry out. And it won’t matter where you are.

(4) Caring for the Newborn During the First Weeks is Extremely Hard

The day you leave the hospital you will remember as the day when you were feeling utterly scared. The only vivid remembrances you will have about that day will be your feelings: feeling of embarrassment, feeling of intimidation, and an overwhelming feeling of fear. Because you had been so well cared for in the hospital and you felt so safe, and you felt so confident knowing that if you needed help with your small bundle of nerves, the nursery was at your fingertips. If you couldn’t get your small bundle of nerves to calm down, one of the nurses could come in, do their magic swaddle, and your baby was mysteriously soothed. You will be so nervous to come home that you will remember trying to put on “real” clothes on your small bundle of nerves to take him or her home and will just collapse because you will be so tired, and you won’t stop crying because you are so tired of crying. You will be emotionally overwhelmed and extremely nervous; your small bundle of nerves wouldn’t stop screaming while you will get him or her ready to go. And you will go outside WITH the BABY. Caring for the newborn during the first weeks at home will be extremely hard for you, and if you have the possibility to hire the nurse at least for the first week, – just do it. If you have a friend who is working as a nurse, ask him or her for help. If you don’t have the possibility to hire the nurse or no one you perfectly know works as a nurse, then glance through the articles and books about CARING for the NEWBORN. It really helps. 

(5) The Newborns are Constantly Bursting into Tears and Screaming

Their first ‘UNFOLDING’ after their debut starts with SCREAMING. They scream and burst into tears all the time, and when they are not bursting into tears and screaming, they are casting the utterly gorgeous, deeply wistful, or absolutely withering glance at you. Their screaming resembles the blend of anxiety and frustration, which makes them NUMB. Their emotions are turned up to the maximum and they feel on edge and completely terrified. It’s taking tiny gasps of air, wondering if this is how everyone breathes. First weeks your newborn won’t hold back tears his or her and curl his or her lips into an amused smile. First two weeks of living with your newborn will be the hardest time. It’s wanting to SCREAM loudly, but also not wanting to utter a single word. It’s having no idea why you feel this way, but also knowing exactly why. Surely, you dote on your small bundle of nerves (because of constant screaming your newborn is identified in your mind ‘a small bundle of nerves’) and you understand that soon your little one will start curling his or her lips into an amused smile, but neither of those facts mitigate how terrible it feels to be screamed for ten consecutive hours a day. Everything around you glitters, glows, and sparkles, but for you, everything is faded because you lost something extremely essential for you, you lost THE BELIEF in yourself. It’s feeling like you have so much potential, yet I will NEVER make it.

(6) Because of Constant Newborn’s Screaming, You May Experience the Postpartum Depression 

Sometimes the love to your newborn may be hidden behind your ANGER. Sometimes the love to your newborn may be hidden behind your CAPRICIOUSNESS. Sometimes the love to your newborn may be hidden behind your FRUSTRATION. Sometimes the love to your newborn may be hidden behind your INDIGNATION. Sometimes the love to your newborn may be hidden behind your IRRITATION. Sometimes the love to your newborn may be hidden behind your IGNORANCE. Sometimes the love to your newborn may be hidden behind your NEGLIGENCE. Sometimes the days which begin with the gorgeous sunshine, spring notes of the delicate scents, and the TRUST based on the intriguing conversations, everything that makes the dazzling spring luxury so cordial, and so beautiful, hide something hideous. Something that shouldn’t be yours. Something that presents only the awful collisions, confusion, embarrassment, frustration, grief, – all that had to DISAPPEAR from your life, enters it again. It is called the DEPRESSION. Depression comes after the deepest embarrassment, the deepest frustration, or the deepest grief. It whispers that you cannot cope with your anxiety, that you cannot take care about your newborn, that you cannot feel the deep emotional connection with your small bundle of nerves and with your significant other. It comes in your life at the moment when YOU FEEL that everything is collapsed and disrupted [YOU ARE TIRED. It doesn’t matter how many hours of sleep you get because you still wake up feeling tired. Emotionally exhausted. Mentally exhausted. Physically exhausted. No amount of cocoa or chocolate can cure it.], or even there is nothing you can change to make your situation better. Everything around you glitters, glows, and sparkles, but for you, everything is faded because you lost something extremely essential for you, your belief that you can do everything.

(7) Breastfeeding is a Hard Experience

You may consider that breastfeeding is a beautiful, wonderful, miraculous experience, but it doesn’t feel this way. You may envision in your mind that breastfeeding is the unique moment when you are cuddling up to yourself the curled tiny baby, whip out your boob and your small bundle of joy just attaches to it and eats milk. Breastfeeding is so simple thing envisioned in your imagination. But it is not nearly as simple as you have imagined it. Breastfeeding is hard. And it can be also painful. If you had been warned by your doctor that it would be, you would have thought that maybe your doctor was exaggerating. Nope, nope not at all. You were told the truth. There are many tricks to try, but you have to be lucky that your boobs produce enough milk and that you don’t get a clogged milk duct or any of the myriad of ailments that hinder breastfeeding. Sometimes the newborn cries, and Cries, and CRIES and doesn’t latch on your boob. It’s frustrating and hard experience. When your small bundle of nerves is a few days old and it feels like you haven’t slept in months, and it’s 02 AM and you’ve already gotten up three times to feed him or her since you went back to your bed and fall asleep, it’s REALLY HARD.

(8) Sometimes It Takes More Than One Hour for Your Small Bundle of Nerves to Fall Asleep

Constant screaming, bursting into tears, and crying of your small bundle of nerves sometimes will drive you crazy. What is more frustrating is that Sometimes It Takes More Than One Hour for Your Small Bundle of Nerves to Fall Asleep. You will cuddle up against your curled in the ‘croissant–position’ small bundle of nerves, you will try to soothe your small bundle of nerves, you will hug your small bundle of nerves, but nothing will help. Sooner, you will start to understand this little creature you created, and instead of being baffled by every cry and whimper, you will be able to anticipate his/her needs. You may even be able to distinguish what each cry means. And finally, your small bundle of nerves will sleep at night, for the most part of the night time.

(9) Your Sleeping Patterns Will be Nearly Disrupted Because of the Constant Emotional and Physical Exhaustion

During first weeks of living with your newborn, you will experience the sleepless nights. Having a frustrated dream of embracing a charming baby cuddled up to you and sleeping without SCREAMING, BURSTING into TEARS, and CRYING, you feel yourself like a bundle of nerves, but still trying to cope with your nervous breakdown. Emotional exasperation will be constantly interfering with your daily life and it will be almost impossible to understand where the reality is and where your imagination is: there is no clear correlation between the reality and your imagination because every day you are even more dreadfully fond of FALLING ASLEEP and SLEEPING at NIGHT. You are continuously trying to numb your emotions, but nothing can help you because only a thought of having a wonderful sleep at night sparkles so many emotions within you. Strong desire of FALLING ASLEEP and SLEEPING is always in your thoughts, every single minute you are sitting alone, sipping a cup of cappuccino or hurrying up somewhere, it affects every decision you make, every conversation you hold with somebody, everything you glance admiringly/furtively/indignantly at, everything you listen to, everything you try to understand. Finally, your small bundle of nerves will be taught (by you) how to self–soothe, and you will get uninterrupted sleep every night … and yet, you are still constantly, chronically exhausted.

(10) You Will be Anxious and Angry Most of the Time During the First Weeks of Being with Your Newborn

You will be too confused to say that most of the time you are anxious about your small bundle of nerves. And your envisioned mind–monologue with your significant other will be like this: ‘I wish you could understand the moments when I am ANXIOUS. Because sometimes my furious fear is, Me. I wish you could hug me closer to yourself and whisper something cordial to calm my anxious mind. Sometimes worrying and thinking about our small bundle of nerves becomes too much and overwhelms me. Because it is scary. It is like being full of blended feelings that I am not sure how to handle. I feel anxious and cold and nervous about it. It’s the only thing I can think about. I am obsessed with it, constantly. Day and night. All the time. Sometimes my glittering eyes are tearful, but I hold back that tears and continue to smile. Sometimes my glowing eyes are full of glittering tears, but I hold back that tears and continue the conversation with the utmost cordiality and delicacy. Sometimes my anxiety feels unmanageable. All my fears are multiplied by one hundred. I am trying to stop crying, even though the tears feel inevitable. I am trying to fall asleep and wake up the next day as if nothing bothers me. Therefore, sometimes I prefer sitting and spending some time alone, meditating. Therefore, sometimes, I prefer standing near you and glancing wistfully. Therefore, sometimes, I prefer listening to you without uttering a single word. I wish you understood me.’

And you will be too embarrassed to say that sometimes you are angry. And your envisioned mind–monologue with your significant other will be like this: ‘It hurts worse by telling you everything is fine until it catches up with me. It hurts worse when I wait until I can’t control myself anymore and everything is revealed through the heartbreaking conversation at the last minute. It hurts worse when I slowly let you resent me too. I know that because sometimes I am the one who causes the hurting. I am too confused to say that my anger is caused by my fears. I am angry because I am JUST SCARED. Scared of everything. Scared of my feelings. Scared of my thoughts. Scared of my words. Everything inspires indignation because I am UTTERLY EXHAUSTED. Sometimes it is hard to suppress my feelings, and I respond to the pain of being harassed or being intimidated with anger. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with hurt and I don’t know how to get beyond it. I cannot accurately describe you my anger. I cannot absolutely embrace my anger because my anger may be spontaneous, maybe in synchrony with something, or may unfold on a timeline. And with that comes a moment. How, when or where is not relevant. But when that moment comes, I cannot breathe again because I am overwhelmed with it. My anger has many versions. Every confusion, every embarrassment, and every frustration lead to a new version of anger. Sometimes it is a blend of confusion, nervousness, and frustration. Sometimes it is a blend of fear, self–contempt, self–shame, and self–worthlessness. My anger is undesirable, black, and suffocating. It is hot and bubbling because self–obsession and failure meet in thunderous tandem. Therefore, sometimes, I prefer not to answer your messages. Therefore, sometimes, I prefer not to cast a withering glance at you. Therefore, sometimes, I prefer just to fall asleep. I wish you hugged and soothed me.’

CONCLUSION: 

Newborn alters your life and the life of your significant other completely. Everything suddenly revolves around this small bundle of nerves, and the familiar road–markers of your previous life have suddenly disappeared. Sometimes your glittering eyes will be tearful, but you will hold back that tears and continue to smile. Sometimes your glowing eyes will be full of glittering tears, but you will hold back that tears and continue the conversation with the utmost cordiality and delicacy. Sometimes your anxiety will feel unmanageable. Sometimes all your fears will be multiplied by one hundred. Sometimes you will be trying to stop crying, even though the tears will be felt inevitable. But all in all, holding that small, warm bundle, breathing in the sweet scent of his/her hair and staring into his/her gorgeous eyes and understanding that this warm bundle completely redefines the meaning of love, and you will think that all previous things, which were associated with negative moments worth nothing compared to what you are having right now.

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