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Print Posted on 01/05/2018 in Pregnancy

Best ways to control anger during pregnancy

Best ways to control anger during pregnancy


Emotions are intrinsically neutral, – they just are. Embrace your emotions. But never let your emotions control you. Yes, it is true that some are more favorable and preferable than others. And yes, the anger is less favorable to experience. Anger may be spontaneous, maybe in synchrony with something, or may unfold on a timeline. And with that comes a moment. How, when or where is not relevant. But when that moment comes, you cannot breathe again because you overwhelmed with it. To understand how the anger inspires inside your soul, imagine you have this well inside of you which is full of ideas, philosophies, thoughts unique only to you. Imagine there’s a gorgeous talent in so much of what you do, that you feel possessed by your need to share the interior of your mind with others. Imagine your interests lay in being visionary, different, interesting, intriguing, capturing. Imagine this all is hidden inside of you just waiting for the moment to burst out into the open air. And now imagine that you cannot achieve everything you are dreaming about because of some limitations. Every time you try hard to achieve something, all your attempts fail. You start feeling less capable, less optimistic about what you can realistically achieve. And can you achieve at least something you do want? Or can’t you? You start to experience flows of anger, little by little. Every confusion, every embarrassment, and every frustration lead to new version of anger. The challenges you are putting yourself into every day, and frustrations that you were focused on something that didn’t worth your efforts and your time inspire more and more anger inside you. You start to believe in the limitless of your value. Angry, thinking about the countless times your value was diminished, when the brilliant parts of yourself kept becoming dimmer and dimmer and dimmer until only a tiny flame remained. Ultimately, your inner glow faded at all. There is nothing more than confusion. There is nothing more than frustration. There is nothing more than despair. Angry, knowing things will change, but by only a constituent. Angry, knowing you have to work harder and smarter and longer and then only hope for recognition. Angry, that your talents will never be truly noticed. Angry, thinking about wasted tears and wasted time. Angry, that you didn’t know better version of yourself. This is the anger’s essence. This is the typical negative scenario how anger overwhelms and consumes you, your intentions, your dreams, your wishes and eventually, your life. It makes everything deep and dark and challenging and hard. All that you have after anger leaves you are the darkness and the tears.

The essential thing you should understand about anger is that it has a dramatic vitality. It has the long–term effects. It outlasts the remembrances that created it. Those anger–associated remembrances are always very intensive and deep. The intensity of this emotion can feel so real that it feels tangible. Even if it’s only in your imagination. After experiencing anger, you are always hurt. Pain doesn’t have the vitality associated with anger. Anger that blossoms in crimson bursts. That inspires your passion and rage. That sharpens your senses to the extremes. Anger reveals your boundaries. It outgrows pain. Amidst all the hurt and brokenness, know that this emotion is not vulnerable. It is not beautifully dark as the emotion of sadness. Sadness resides in a small corner, coloring back beauty and light where it fades. It reminds you there is still hope. Anger declares you that there is no hope for YOU. It suffocates you every time you experience it. It disrupts everything around you and synchronically disrupts your soul not to waste its own time.

[1]           What is the essence of ANGER?

Emotions are always with you. You are constantly experiencing the emotional paradigms. There is no single moment when you are emotionless. Sometimes emotions unfold on a little by little, sometimes unexpectedly. It is impossible to predict which emotions will unfold in one moment, and which will be in the other moment. Emotions are like blossoms. No one knows which will unfold the first. Some blossoms seem to be nearly unfolded and the others which are tightly closed spontaneously unfold. Emotions are unpredictable. They are constantly appearing inside your soul, glowing brilliantly, fading little by little, and disappearing somewhere. Your emotions are not absolutely everything, but they do mean always something. ANGER is one of them which cannot be ignored as your negligence will only inspire more and more anger inside your soul. Anger... There’s that anger again and again. How to escape this anger? Is there any glimpse of hope to stop it? How to stop that agony of anger? I want just to stop that! I cannot control myself because of it! I want just to run as far as possible and to scream as loud as possible! I need to stop it! You do want to scream about all that as a familiar flush of anger spreading across your body. You realize those in power make it nearly impossible to escape from your anger. And even if you escaped from the anger, you remember the moments you spent with your anger, and your heart just aches. The remembrances about the anger bubble up in your mind for no reason. The small insignificant little moments, the moments caught in between the frames that don’t really belong in any ‘category’, but all that moments inspire the anger because all that moments represent the synchrony of your failures. The small forgotten fragments that haphazardly yet perfectly piece your past together. You are neither privileged to have had those moments of anger nor inspired by your anger experience. Anger just prevents something beautiful to be in your life.

Anger is undesirable, black, and suffocating even as it fills you. It is hot and bubbling because self–obsession and failure meet in thunderous tandem. Anger is an emotion that you cannot neglect, and sometimes embracing anger only makes you angrier. Anger never comforts you when you are lost. It never encompasses both the violent and delicate thoughts in your mind. The anger you feel in its wake can be overwhelming. Maybe even intimidating. Maybe even impossible to ignore. Anger closely correlates with frustration and sadness because of the failure. After the frustration and sadness are passed, they passed and turn into the anger.

Anger can overwhelm even the most delicate, self–reflective, and self–aware person. When you are captured in the anger’s hugs, your pulse races and your limbic system takes over, making rational thought almost impossible. Anger comes about for a lot of reasons, and it is often an emotion that you use to cover up other emotions. It’s essential to understand that anger is often a crimson veil which covers up more vulnerable feelings such as confusion, embarrassment, sadness, sympathy, and hopelessness. Confusion, embarrassment, despair, shame, sadness, fear, all of these emotions that get seen as negative and weaker. And anger hides all of them. Anger comes immediately after your failure after something was cancelled, disrupted, collapsed, changed, postponed. Anger indicates that you desired something but failed, and now you are lost.

When you are overwhelmed with anger, you may get a strong sensational glimpse of it. Because anger hurts. Something pulled the trigger and you reacted with anger. So, you send yourself an explosion of the anger and pain, not realizing the shock your words impacted. You accidentally set off the trigger. You should have known better than that. Your glance is withering, your eyes are red and tearful and you fall silent. This is the anger’s reality. There is no logic to emotion. Anger triumphantly overwhelms you. It makes you believe that you are nothing. Your numbness is soul deep. It reaches to the places you hide even from yourself because it hurts too much to acknowledge all the broken pieces. All your memories from the moment you experienced anger are hurtful. And you recollect them in your mind not because it brings you delight but it gives you intimidating understanding that you are a failure, you will never amount to anything, and you do not deserve to be loved.

When you are overwhelmed with anger, you prefer loneliness. You will not let someone to witness you at your lowest. You will never let someone to see your self–destruct from shame, guilt, and self–hatred. That would mean that you are not always strong, that you are not always in control. Anger gets seen as a strong emotion, even though so much anger comes from feelings of frustration, shame, sadness, fear, and unworthiness. You just cover it all up with anger, that way you don’t have to feel vulnerable and show any weakness.

While deflecting anger in the moment may not be possible, it is possible to identify the feelings beneath. So how do you do this? Basically, it means recognizing that your feelings of anxiety, anger, depression, guilt, shame, jealousy, irritation, frustration, and so on (Inner Bonding ‘wounded feelings’) come from your own thoughts, beliefs, and behavior, rather than from others or from circumstances. No one is perfect. Allow yourself to feel all emotions, even the ones that make you feel vulnerable. It’s amazing how repressing emotions you don’t want to feel can have long term effects on you. You don’t realize that you’re also repressing positive emotions because of this. When you repress the negative ones; you’re really repressing all emotional patterns. You’re never that sad or feel that much shame but you’re also never that inspired either. Even though you may act like nothing can embarrass you, nothing can hurt you, nothing can frustrate you, that doesn’t change the way that you feel inside. You should always remember about that. Embrace your anger and take control over it. Embrace it with compassion and listen to it. Your anger wants you to change something. It whispers that it is the time for something to be altered.

You have been having unexpected episodes and withdrawals. And ultimately the anger left you. When the anger is gone there is only pain left. Nobody tells you just how different pain is. It comes in different forms. That anguish and agony are incomparable. It’s strong because it’s the most temporary of emotions. Unlike sadness, pain has its own sensitivity. Sadness resides in a small corner, coloring back beauty and light where it fades. It reminds you there is still hope. Controversially, pain derives its power from the present. It suffocates you. And with that comes a beautiful moment. How, when or where is not relevant. But when that beautiful moment comes, you breathe again. Time passes and you walk further away. By the time you look back, you cannot feel that deep pain. So next time you mentally visualize your after–anger moments, remember the pain. Amidst all the hurt and brokenness, you should know that this emotion is vulnerable. For when it vanishes, it vanishes without a trace. Remember that going through pain and surviving is proof of strength. Pain is inevitable. It demands to be heard, seen, felt. If you never allow it to go through you and change you, all you’re actually doing is not allowing it to leave. Pain is an entity within itself and it won’t leave you without its right: to be felt. Pain wants to be accepted, pain wants to be felt. It wants to hear your answer to those questions flooding your mind at this very moment. It wants those silent tears that you cry yourself to sleep. Don’t ignore your pain, don’t neglect your pain, and don’t run away from your pain. It always finds you. You will only hurt a lot longer. Remember that all pain is purely temporary; all pain eventually passes. Pain soothes your anger. It changes you and reshapes you. You will get better. Eventually, you will.

[2]           How to cope with ANGER? 

When you get angry it is a strong indicator that you are not in balance with yourself and something needs to be done to cope with your anger. Coping with anger may be a complicated task. Anger is not intriguing or wonderful feeling to experience. Anger is something that causes many undesirable and frustrating moments. If you experience anger and there is no strategy to prevent this experience, remember that YOU CAN COPE WITH YOUR ANGER. You cannot ignore or neglect the feeling of anger, but YOU CAN PREVENT YOUR ANGER by postponing it. YOU CAN RELEASE YOURSELF FROM YOUR ANGER by identifying its causes. The first thing to cope with the anger is to write down the notes about what inspires it. Anger is always inspired by somebody or by something. It may be the person you wish never ever to have a conversation with, the undesirable situation where you should ignore the criticisms to prevent the negative consequences which may entail this situation in the future, spilt on your notebook iced macchiato, an unsolved problem, an unwritten essay, and many other things may inspire your anger in a moment.

Invest in several inspiring NOTEBOOKS. Not the first ones you glanced at. These notebooks should be wonderful–looking to glance at and the ones you desire to have and to take in your hands. Do not practice writing in them one time and neglecting them forever. One should be used for your WISHES and DREAMS. One should be used for your GOALS. One should be used for your ANGER’S EXPRESSION. It should be the notebook especially for your notes about your anger. It will be your ANGER’S PRIVATE SPACE. On the pages of its own notebook, you should allow the anger to express itself in all dreadful, intimidating or hideous versions. You should have space where you can hand write about the anger and the things that help you to cope with it in a more effective way. But why is it so essential to have a notebook to write the ANGER’S NOTES down in? Firstly, you cannot control the time when your anger attack starts. It can happen anytime, in any situation, in any place. Anger emerges without any schedule. It can be caused by one indignant glance, by one glimpse, by one smile, by one sound, by one comment, by one remark. If you are continually experiencing the feeling of anger, take always this anger’s notebook with you.

When anger starts its GLORIOUS UNFOLDING inside your soul or suddenly attacks you, write down as fast as you can in your anger’s notebook the notes because you have all these colliding thoughts that are desperate to be formed into words and sentences and paragraphs. You desperate have this urge to get this anger out of you. Everything and nothing makes sense because as you write the notes down, you are reliving every painful and tragic emotion you are feeling in that moment. You are writing to learn how to work with your anger, how not to end up ignoring it, how to understand it, and how to embrace it. You are writing to learn how to embrace the feelings of anger, loneliness, and helplessness with understanding and compassion. You are writing to learn how to become an emotionally responsible person. You are writing to ease the anger in the realization that something is wrong, something is undesirable to occur, something should unfold in the other version. You are writing both to remember and forget every emotion that is both destroying you and creating your reality. You just keep writing about everything that frustrates you and makes you angry. But ANGER most of all times is your CHOICE to react to somebody’s behavior, to somebody’s actions, to something tragical that occurs in the reality. It isn’t the person who glimpsed at you with withering glance and curled a cruel smile, it isn’t the person who whispered delicately an insulting remark, it is not the thing that is actually making you angry, it is only your inner imbalances between ‘harmony’ and ‘frustration’. And more important is that you CAN CHANGE IT. Yes, YOU can change it completely. The next time you get angry, stop your thoughts’ flow and think logically about WHY YOU ARE ANGRY. Is it because you are confused? Is it because you are embarrassed? Is it because you are worried? Is it because you are anxious? Is it because you are disappointed? Is it because you are intimidated? Is it because you are feeling self–worthlessness? Your consciousness and subconsciousness will represent all versions and all scenarios of possible causes. The next thing you should do is to write down in your anger’s notebook the conclusive comments about the things which you suppose to be the causes of your anger. List them all. List everything that these causes may disrupt in the reality. List the most negative consequences of such disruptions. List how these disruptions may affect you. List everything that might be lost in case if the worst scenarios are realized. List everything you might have after that. List everything.

The last thing you should do is comparing your anger and its causes in an hour, tomorrow in the morning and at the weekend’s evening. Do not neglect your anger. List everything that is possible to correct. List everything that is possible to change. List everything you can do to prevent these things to occur. List the versions of other probable scenarios to occur in the reality with one remark that you have changed something, the situation is not so frustrating, and you feel sadness or pain instead of anger. Instead of staying stuck in feeling angry, hurt, blaming, afraid, anxious or inadequate, or in the core painful feelings of loneliness, helplessness, heartbreak or heartache, you have moved back into feeling frustration and pain but not anger. Frustration, pain or vulnerability are the feelings that show you that anger has gone. Now you have another version of yourself and another version of your reality. Furthermore, frustration, pain or vulnerability are strong indicators that you can CREATE your new reality. Everything is possible to create right now. And you are ready for these changes. FORGIVE yourself your ANGER. Forgive yourself your tears. Forgive yourself your wrong behavioral patterns. Forgiving yourself your anger will take away your heartache. It will stop your tears. It will silence your cries. It will give you a better understanding of who you are, and who you once were. The acceptance of what has already happened is tragically beautiful. It gives you the power to finally let go your anger. It means recognizing that your feelings of aloneness, anger, anxiety, depression, despair, embarrassment, frustration, guilt, irritation, jealousy, shame, sorrow, vulnerability and so on (what we call in Inner Bonding ‘wounded feelings’) come from your own thoughts, moral patterns, beliefs and behavior patterns, rather than from the others or from the circumstances. Once you understand and accept that you create many of your own emotions and feelings, rather than your feelings coming from outside yourself when you realize that your feelings are your responsibility, you can move out of emotional dependency, and then you can begin to take emotional responsibility and emotional self–control.

Anger can be also processed by mindfully engaging in deep breathing, or walking down the streets, or practicing yoga, or practicing everything you love to do. Absolutely everything that inspires you. Absolutely everything that makes your eyes glow even when you visualize yourself doing it. You may look through the tips here: https://ovu.com/blog/top-ten-secret-tips-how-to-keep-your-body-in-a-perfect-shape-after-your-pregnancy-969, particularly,‘(4) Meditation can be started during the first week you gave a birth’, ‘(5) Spend more time walking down the streets. Never suppose that walking is boring because it actually is not’, ‘(8) Enroll yourself in a yoga class on the regular basis’.

[3]           How to control the ANGER?

Anger disrupts the utmost wonder of your pregnancy. It makes this mysterious time instead of glowing fading only. It may amaze you how glittering and clear your world was before the anger entered it. You don’t know how long it took before you realized that your sadness and anger are darkening your pregnancy. Ultimately, you understood that your anger was bringing misery to you, so much misery it was overflowing. Anger during the pregnancy is felt like being swung crazily between the affection and apathy, between misery and despair, between the pain and sorrow that accompanies the hurt. No one is perfect, and you should embrace it despite all the hurtfulness and pain. You cannot force yourself to change when you find yourself in a position of extreme bitterness and anger. You cannot control absolutely all situations and prevent absolutely all moments when you will experience anger, or moments when you will be hurt. But you can control how you react. The capability of choosing to move past the anger and hurt is something to endear and embrace. Even if you are just layers and layers of utmost sadness and anger, embrace it. Even if the exact source of your anger and sadness is nearly unidentifiable. Even if your heart is aching, and your spirit is broken, when you’re staying on your knees, exhausted and defeated, embrace it. Embracing your anger is not your weakness. When you choose to embrace your anger, you choose the strength. Sometimes, anger is a reminder that you still want to hope for the things you have lost hope for, and sadness is a reminder that you can still feel multiple emotions. Sometimes, the anger really reawakening to the truth. Sometimes you should take a deep breath because YES, it is so painful and YES it seems hopeless to control the anger, but no, it rarely is. Take a deep breath and take the notebook and pen, sit on the tuffet or wherever you feel comfortable to sit and try to concentrate all your attention on what you feel before reading the tips how to control your anger. Concentrate your attention on your breath. If you feel a little bit less overwhelmed, read.

(3.1) Be an emotionally nuanced personality and embrace it. Being an emotionally nuanced personality seems constant balancing of logic and emotions to make the right decision. Only through feeling all emotions and emotional nuances you will establish strong inclusion and exclusion criteria for those emotions which are ‘yours’. Those, which will be ‘perfect’ for you to feel. Those, which will inspire an ideal harmony in your soul. Those, which won’t be tensive. And those, which won’t inspire the nervous tension in your soul. Those, which will be inspiring, and those, which will be soothing for you. After identifying ‘perfect emotional paradigm’, you should continue with your logic. Logic and emotion are not mutually exclusive and shouldn’t be. They work best when used together. Neither emotions nor logic should be neglected. Neither emotions nor logic should be ignored. Neither emotions nor logic should be preferred. Preference is impossible to give either to emotions or to logic. Emotions and logic should be in an ideal balance. Choose to consciously feel all emotions even those emotions which interfere with your intentions, wishes or goals. Be sensitive. Embrace all the emotions you feel. If you find yourself being regularly triggered by some small ‘glowing’ annoyance, sit down and let yourself consciously bring up the feeling, and experience it in its entirety.

(3.2) Be capricious. Be vulnerable. Be wondering. Intrigued why these three concepts are listed there? All these three constituents are vital for identification of the problem source, especially if the same problem interferes with your intentions, wishes or goals all the time. Note down everything that makes you inspired and near your every ‘inspiration’ note what makes you worried. Every time you note SOMETHING INSPIRING, create the whole paradigm of positive and negative scenarios if you implement EVERY YOUR INSPIRATION in your visualized timeline through asking yourself questions: ‘What will inspire me to do [YOUR VERSION]?’ or ‘What is inspiring for me in this month?’, ‘What is valuable for me?’, ‘How do I feel about this?’, ‘Inspiration, then why?’, ‘Intrigue, then why?’, ‘Desire, then why?’, ‘Sadness, then why?’, ‘Emptiness, then why?’, ‘Hurt, then why?’, ‘Irritation, then why?’, ‘Anger, then why?’, ‘Frustration, then why?’, ‘Despair, then why?’, ‘Anxiety, then why?’, ‘Nervous tension, then why?’, ‘What are my deep truths that cause all these emotions?’, ‘What are my deep emotions that indicate all these emotional alterations?’. This is the way you are balancing your emotional paradigm with your logical paradigm. This is the way you are creating multiple versions of what is INSPIRING and what is FRUSTRATING for you. This is the way you are identifying what is PREFERABLE for you and what SHOULD BE PREVENTED. Logical ‘envelope’ for your emotions and emotional ‘envelope’ for your logic creates the amazing cognitive, judgmental, and philosophical capabilities.

(3.3) Be utterly attentive to what angers you. Learn what is conscious control and how it should be done to understand the chaotic emotions you are experiencing. Anger is a glimpse of notification that something should be prevented, that something goes wrong, that something should be corrected, that something should be changed, that something should be stopped, that something may lead to the undesirable or adverse consequences in the future. To put it in the simplest way possible: we cannot become infuriated over what we don’t either identify with or know/fear to be true. Pay utmost attention to what angers you or what causes your daily mood to be changed, and don’t get intimidated if you realize there’s a negative pattern emerging. Don’t neglect the negative patterns. Intimidation, negligence, and ignorance lead to the realization of the worst scenarios in the timeline. The worst scenarios realization may not only interfere with your intentions, wishes, and goals but also disrupt your life. The worst consequences may be inevitable to face, and your emotional dimension will be changed dramatically. You won’t experience positive emotional spectrum. On the contrary, you will be constantly emotionally overwhelmed with extreme embarrassment, excessive shame, intense guilt, profound sadness, self–contempt, and self–worthlessness. Experiencing anger, ask yourself three questions: ‘What makes you angry?’, ‘What can change this situation?’, ‘What should be done to prevent your further faults?’. This is the conscious control of your anger and of the situation you are in. This is the way how to cope with your anger, how to release yourself from the anxiety, how to stop it, how to think logically about what should be done with analyzing the multiple versions of the scenarios ‘WHAT IF’, and how to prevent the worst results or the worst consequences.

(3.4) Postpone consideration of your emotions. ‘Postpone the work’ with your anger. 

If you experience anger, rage, and frustration or if you experience confusion, fear, and sorrow, glimpse around. If you have a strong feeling that you are in an inappropriate place or time to deal with your anger, and you have a strong feeling that your anger may disrupt everything right now, tell it that you’re not ignoring it, you’re just going to revisit it completely tonight when you have the chance. It’s easy to admit something makes you angry because that gets seen as a strong emotion, even though so much anger comes from feelings of shame, sadness, fear, and unworthiness. You just cover it all up with anger, that way you don’t have to feel vulnerable and show any weakness. This time your logic dominates the anger. This time you will triumph because you don’t ignore, you don’t neglect but you do control the situation. Embrace that it is normal to feel terribly angry but later, not now, let it be tonight. Suddenly, you feel a little more inspired, a little lighter, and a little more in control. Accept that you can change the present moment and accept the way you should handle things, just means you are closer to your own clarity. Set the ‘feeling time’. Revisit your anger tonight. Recollect in your mind all the remembrances about your anger, particularly, the moment when you felt it, ‘What was the cause of your anger?’, ‘Was there something else what could have been changed to prevent your anger?’, ‘Was it really anger, or it was something else, enveloped and branded as ‘anger inside’’, ‘Do you feel the same anger now or your anger is completely different version of the previous anger?’, ‘What you feel about your anger after some time have passed?’ Embrace all your feelings now. EMBRACE THE FACT THAT YOU CAN FEEL ALL THE FEELINGS, ALL THE TIME. With intensity. With force. With depth. Whether you are amazed, inspired, wondered, sad, angry, or hurt. And you know what? Intrigued? Embrace the fact that YOU SHOULD LOVE TO FEEL YOUR FEELINGS. Embrace the fact that YOU SHOULD LOVE TO BE OVERWHELMED BY THEM. It is a beautiful experience ‘TO FEEL’, and it is a beautiful experience ‘TO FEEL ALL VERSIONS OF THE EMOTIONS DIFFERENTLY EVERY TIME’. Embrace the fact that you should love to be engulfed by them. Embrace the fact that you should love to be turned upside down inside of them. Change the way you think by learning about why you should think and react in this way. Why should you admit these thoughts? Why should you admit this behavioral pattern? Which alternatives for thinking and behavior are there? The truth is, you can change everything in your life and you can create that version of the life and that version of yourself you would prefer to be with if you take in your consideration that anger interferes with your dreams and wishes. It disables you. It steals your time. It steals your vivid past remembrances, it steals your wonderful moments at present and it steals the inspiring moments you are visualizing and do want to have in your future. It steals your life. It disrupts everything that is vital for you. It dominates all your emotions. It disrupts the most beautiful moments of your entire life. Do you want to suffer from excruciating pain after the anger left you or do you want to release yourself from this vicious anger–circle? If you do want to be ANGER–FREE, postpone your anger any time you can do it. After that postpone it until the Wednesday’s midnight. Sooner, schedule one day in two weeks to revisit your anger and to re–read the notes about everything you were angry with and everybody you were angry at. Slowly you will have more positive emotions sparkling inside you and less time to experience intensiveness of your anger. Sooner the angry moments might disappear at all. DO NOT ALLOW THE ANGER TO LIVE YOUR LIFE. DO NOT ALLOW ANGER TO DOMINATE. DO NOT ALLOW ANGER TO DISRUPT YOUR LIFE. Sometimes it is hard for logic to prevail over emotion. But your LIFE IS YOURS. Anger must know its place.


Anger is an emotion you become intimately personal with, yet desperately want to escape from. Anger has multiple versions. Nobody feels anger the same way. When your whole world comes crashing down, in that moment, you are alone. Even if sympathy is glowing in the eyes of those around you, anger still finds a way to isolate you. Anger needs its moment of glorious triumph. It gorgeously enters your soul and glitters bright enough to blind everything in its path. It inspires you with the utmost intimidation. And, truth be told, you start to love the dark, hard, challenging emotions the most… because the dark, hard, challenging emotions are the ones that disrupt everything that was essential for you and makes you believe that you don’t deserve to have the most beautiful moments in your life. It disrupts your harmony and makes you be in a state of numbness. Anger establishes its own inclusive and exclusive criteria for your emotions and feelings. You are not allowed to feel anything except confusion, embarrassment, frustration, sadness, or despair. These feelings you are allowed to feel with more richness and intensity. Any time. As much time as you need. Forget about everything except anxiety and depression. Forget about everything except self–worthlessness. Forget about everything except profound sorrow. The love and passion are forbidden feelings. Because truth is, nobody realizes how insecure anger is. It makes you unable to face positive emotions, to feel them fully and completely.

Allow yourself to experience your feelings even ‘too much.’ Allow yourself to be too intense, too passionate, too deep, too delicate, too sensitive, too touchy, too feeling, or that you care too much or for too long. Allow yourself to feel your emotions, to feel them fully and completely. Allow yourself to be yourself. Never shut your feelings down immediately. Because when you shut the feelings down — when you let them continue to be unmet or made wrong — you lose yourself. Just postpone those feelings which you don’t want TO FEEL. Embrace them and schedule the time to revisit them. Meet with your ANGER on Wednesday, at 11.00 p.m. sitting and sipping a cup of iced caramel macchiato with the notebook near you. Glance through the yesterday’s notes about your anger. Should you feel it again or the situation turned the other way and instead of anger, you felt sadness yesterday? Allow yourself not to feel anger, confusion, embarrassment, frustration, sadness, sorrow, despair every moment these feelings appear in your soul. They have their scheduled time to explain to you why they are inside you. Because you are the only person who can establish your own criteria, your own patterns for your thoughts and for your feelings.

 Remind yourself that all your feelings are welcome. All your emotions, your “too much–ness”, your intensity are welcome. All the parts of you that are deep and dark and challenging and hard are welcome. Embrace your anger. And CHANGE THE CONCEPT of your ANGER. It is not classical anger anymore. It is not something intimidating or disruptive. It is something intriguing. Something that shows you all multiple versions of yourself. Something that indicates you the moments you should correct to reach the success. Your anger is welcome. But it should be reshaped for the future and it would be also beautiful and true. It would be healing and powerful. You can’t have the bubbles and sparkles without the intense depths from which they surface. You can’t have the glow and laughter without experiencing the darkness and the tears. Anger is here to wake you up, to indicate that something is wrong, and to show you the versions how to prevent something undesirable or dreadful before it would happen in your life. Embrace it. Reshape it. YES, it is not beautiful, it is not gorgeous, and it glows differently, with dark light. It even can be dreadful. It can be tearful. It can hurt. YES, the anger’s voice is awful, undesirable to hear. But listen to its whisper and try to understand what it wants you to hear even if it sounds intimidating. It tries hard and passionately to tell you something undesirable to happen to you, to make your fortune different. Anger is also the feeling that innovates and catalyzes changes in you if reshaped.

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