10 Things Men Must Know About Pregnant Women
1. Never comment things like: oh why are you so scared?! and then "laugh" about it -giving birth is not that simple people!
‘Congratulations... you're pregnant! by the way, pretty scared about that right? Your eyes are showing fear. Has something just happened to you?’
‘Don’t continue! I don’t want you to continue this conversation. I don’t want to hear that. Yes, right now I am glittering with delight but in seven months’ time, I will be seven times more scared. I will be intimidated because of everything I have to face inevitably. Do you want me to list everything I am scared of? Then, just listen to my horror–list. Yes, I do understand that I will experience an unbelievable excruciating pain. And yes, I know that everything may be different from the scenario I have in my mind. Now, I am coping with two controversial extremes, with passionate love and obsessive fear. I possess a wonderful “secret” inside and I know that soon I will hold my little one cuddled against me and at the same moment I am horrified thinking about the birth. Yes, my spirit is enclosed in this pregnant body and I am really scared. Yes, I am extremely terrified even having a thought about the labor. I am trying to cope with embarrassment right now. And I am keeping my pregnancy ‘glow’ and my effortless delivery to cope with my anxiety attacks. I know that my little sweetie is beautiful. My pregnancy was without complications and my delivery might be absolutely hideous. But it is impossible to predict the delivery. It can’t be that bad. Or can it?’
Before laughing at her, try to think logically. First, you should embrace the truth: she is scared. Yes, not just she is scared but She is scared. She is scared. She is scared. Pregnancy is something mysterious and intimidating. Because everything is represented in a new light. Because everything is felt in a new light. Because everything is envisioned in a new light. Because everything is seen in a new light. Because everything is verbalized in a new light.
Be utterly accurate with words. Before uttering a single word, envision the most probable consequences. Because every moment is unique, and every word should be accurately chosen for the corrent moment. Words make memories and dreams crash and collide together, changing, shifting between what is real and what is imagined until you close your eyes because you cannot remember the truth anymore. Words are inspiring and terrifying because they can both create and destroy. With a simple sentence, they can shatter confidence, shift a relationship, sever a bond of trust. They can confuse, create, or calm an anxious mind. And in three words, they can change the way a heart beats. Words are isolating. Words are devastating. Words are empowering. Words are beautiful and endless and unifying in a way that connects the hearts. Every time you ask her if she is scared because of pregnancy, these words have something that inspires the intimidation. Hearing them, she is scared because they bring back those feelings she tries so desperately to bury. She is scared because they hold the deepest and darkest and most real confessions of your heart and of her heart. Scared because they make her really feel. Be utterly accurate with words. Furthermore, not only word, every glance, every smile, every gesture. All the above–listed things are of vital importance.
2. Never ever comment or discuss her laziness. It is annoying!
“There is a wonderful Christmas Sale all around! Magnificent and the definition of ethereal and stylish dresses are at the greatest discounts! Even the exclusive dresses made by the respected designers! Wondering what ultimately will buy there. Do you want to check the shops in the evening today? Suppose four hours will be enough to find something excessively delicate, something wearing that you will glow and feel yourself gorgeous. They will make you more beautiful, untouchable, unforgettable.” …or “Wonderful! This multicolored flyer says three wedding stores at the city center’s mall is having a sale on 34th, 36th, and 38th size dresses – want to go there and check it out? Pastel colors (vanilla color, champagne color, cream color) are sold with additional discount. The sale starts just in twelve days, next Wednesday. So, should we pre–schedule ‘Dress Shopping’ on Wednesday’s evening?”
‘Yes, we should have the Christmas shopping ‘voyage’ around but not for four hours. Four evening hours sounds too much time. I am too exhausted to have a long–time shopping. I feel dizziness in the shopping malls because everyone around me is in a hustle. And my fatigue is so overwhelming that sometimes I can’t think at all. Yes, one shopping hour is possible ‘to schedule’ for this evening. But only one. Because this winter keeps me hiding, shivering and hiding in leggings, sweaters, and sweater dresses. I have no desire to dress up, look gorgeous and stylish and walk down the streets to the shops, cafeterias and other public places. I want to be alone and I want to curl up in my clothes. And yes, if I feel perfect, I want you to spend one–hour shopping with me choosing the new leggings, sweaters, and sweater dresses. And I also want to invest in a few solid pairs of warm socks to feel the warmth while being in my apartment.’
…or ‘Yes, we will do shopping every two weeks. I want to be stylish, I want to have many wonderful even divine outfits to emphasize every stage of my pregnancy. Loads of them. High waisted, flowing vanilla–colored dresses with pearls, loose nude tulle dresses, champagne–colored dresses with long sleeves, the dresses that have some characteristics of an outer tunic. I want to be beyond elegance, therefore every two weeks we will spend three hours doing shopping.’
Your idea sounds wonderful! I do love those dress shopping moments, so we will attend that wedding stores, but I will buy plus three sizes gown. Our something loose enough for my bump. Most probably 34th size won’t fit me in a couple of weeks. And probably I will want several different–sized dresses. My body shape will be changed greatly.’
Never ever say that she is lazy. Because in fact, she is just exhausted. Pregnancy is a really hard time because of dizziness, daily fatigue, headaches and stress, deadlines and defense, sleepless nights, and many other undesirable ‘gifts’. Embrace all of them. Embrace that she is just tired. It doesn’t matter how many hours of sleep she gets because she still wakes up feeling tired. Emotionally exhausted. Mentally exhausted. Physically exhausted. No amount of cocoa or chocolate can cure it. She is tired of uncertainties. It’s tiring for her to keep convincing herself that everything is going to be okay, that things are going to get better, and then having more and more things go wrong around her. She keeps forcing herself to think positive, to raise her expectations, but it’s only a matter of time until the disappointment sets in again. It’s tiring to talk to people because the conversations are always the same. They ask the same questions. It’s tiring bouncing back and forth between loving herself and hating everything about herself. It’s tiring to feel this way when she knows there is so much she has to look forward to in the future. You should know that she wants to better herself. She wants to make a change that will make her inspired and glowed, but she is not sure what that would entail. She is not sure what step she is supposed to take next. She feels like she is lost. She is feeling uninspired to try being Gorgeous and Glowing again.
Maybe the only thing she wants right now is your Glittering Glance. Maybe the only thing she wants right now is your Intriguing Smile. Maybe the only thing she wants right now is your Love. Maybe the only thing she wants right now is the Respect. Maybe the only thing she wants right now is to Cuddle up with you or to Hug you. Maybe she just wants to feel different, because what she is feeling right now is anger, anxiety, confusion, embarrassment, irritation, or numbness. What she is feeling right now she never wants to feel again. Even if she doesn’t have total control over her thoughts and her emotions, she has total control over her decisions, so she is going to make a change. She is going to give herself something to look forward to tomorrow while still trying her hardest to enjoy today. She is finally going to wake herself up because she is tired of sleeping with her eyes open. She is finally going to give everything one more try, with the warm feeling. She needs you and your soothing words. There is always more love that you can give, more hope that you can have, more passion that you can show her.
When she is tired, you should ‘go’ with her slowly. Go quietly. Go timidly. But do not stop. She is tired for all the right reasons. She is tired because she is supposed to be. She is tired because she is making a change. She is exhausted for all the right reasons and it’s only an indication to go on.
3. Never ever comment on her every morning wardrobe selection’s ritual. It is irritating!
Whatever your pregnant fiancée does or does not consume, her body will expand almost immediately. Thanks to all the water she is destined to retain, her couture clothes will stop fitting her as early as being only six weeks pregnant even though the embryo inside her is only the size of a blueberry at that stage. Every morning will be started with the ‘Fashion Inspiration’ because her constantly changing body shape will cause serious outfit selection distress on many mornings. Serious outfit selection would sparkle so many wonderful emotions inside and she will do shopping more often, because being the pregnant means the continuous body–changes – ‘a mystery of pregnancy’, two weeks ago her tummy was accurate and not visible, right now it is more shaped, more outlined, more visible. Understanding these alterations, she has a unique opportunity to choose between hiding the belly or showing it, depending on what she wants. Looking for the new outfits, if she is not sure or if you both are not sure how to choose an appropriate size, how to make accents of colors and nuances to hide the belly or showing it, ask the style consultants to help your fiancée getting the best elegant style or excessive combination of several styles and fit. Do not forget to select something special, something gorgeous, something unforgettable and something stylish for special occasions. The basic recommendations for choosing something stylish include embracing the ‘size loyalty’ time: selecting a plus–size or plus two sizes not to be frustrated in the nearest couple of weeks because of inaccurate look or growing bump, choosing a higher waistline as her bump grows, she will want to avoid tight–fitting styles. Empire waist dresses are perfect for this because they sit comfortably above the bump. If the timeline for her second and third trimester is spring and summer, choose a soft fabric like chiffon, intricately elegant tulle or bobbinet that flows away from her body, so she can twirl with delight, move and sit more comfortable without paying too much attention to how to sit. Let it be something wonderful. Something inspiring. Something capturing. Full of voluminous silhouettes made with clouds of diaphanous fabric trimmed with gorgeous soft shimmer lace. Something that accurately and gorgeously outlines the bump, making a strong accent on it.
4. There is no timing for her bump to show. Never ever comment on that!
“Wow, you are not showing at all. You look really gorgeous with languorous black eyes, the cascade of brown curls and wonderful curling smile, you are really glowing from inside, oh, no, you are sparkling brightly, and it is vividly visible, and your tummy is perfect, you have an amazing body shape. Even your body shape is perfectly modeled.” The first part of is perfect. It is a compliment for anyone. But how do you comment the following remarks? “Probably, you have misinterpreted the pregnancy signs, and, furthermore, sometimes the positive pregnancy tests are wrong. It might be you are not pregnant at all.” … or “You are joking. You have just gained a little weight. You are just dreaming about the pregnancy.”
‘Yes, I am in a perfect body shape. yes, I am gorgeous, and I am glowing. And yes, I am pregnant. Why do I have an amazing body shape even if I am eighteen weeks pregnant and haven’t started showing yet? It would be nice if you stopped commenting on my body shape and my bump. Probably, at almost 20 weeks, my bump will finally start showing. And you will be the first person who will know about it. Shouldn’t that be entirely my responsibility? I exercise on the regular basis eight hours a week, I walk down the streets, I work, I do everything I have ever done before my pregnancy. Undoubtedly, you meant it as a compliment, I understand. I eat healthy food, and exercise regularly, which has resulted in a somewhat desirable body type. The body type, however, that was desirable is not desirable now that I’m pregnant. I want that bump that shows a strong wonderful baby growing inside. And I wish you stopped discussing my body shape and bump. I am not going to eat seven times a day to show you my growing bump.’
Or questions like “When are you going to start showing?” How do you answer that? How do you show that this question hurts? ‘Next month, probably on Monday, thirtieth of December, at 11.00 a.m. in the morning, so you might want to book the tickets right now for my debut showing performance? For the first ten tickets, there is thirty percent discount. Are you still hesitating?’ I wish you understood what I feel every time you comment my body shape. I wish you stopped commenting it. I wish you stopped commenting my bump. Any further commentary is considered undesirable, obnoxious, intrusive, boring, and will inevitably elicit your comments.
There’s a strange tingling around your significant one pregnancy middle. Being pregnant, for the most part, doesn’t involve having a big bump. That seems that showing off may be postponed until the twentieth week. Being the other significant one or the best friend, sure you meant it as a compliment. But for the pregnant woman, it may sound like insulting remarks. Never make a comment, commentary or compliment about the bump, neither it is showing, nor it is not showing at all if you don’t know how she embraces the new body shape. And even if your intentions were the most delicate, your glance was the most admiring, your smile was the most wonderful, your tone was the most emphatic, those several words may disrupt emotional patterns, behavioral patterns, nervous system patterns, self–confidence patterns, sleep patterns, and do a world of damage that you will never know. While some pregnant women embrace every single modification, which is made by the pregnancy to their body shape, others are horrified by these changes, and still, others hesitate between adoring their new pregnant body shape and resenting it wholeheartedly. Being pregnant seems that she is extremely vulnerable. Their your emotions are visible in their eyes. Perhaps she tries to laugh it off when the comment is made, but you won’t see her hours later on the floor of her apartment curled up and sobbing. No one knows that this one inaccurate comment will cause her to isolate herself out of shame and confusion, too embarrassed to partake in normal activities. She might cancel dates and might begin to shy away from the others altogether just to avoid the prospect being in a loose unperfect dress revealing or covering her bump in front of them. Those gorgeous pregnant women you caught a glimpse of embracing their visible big bumps (usually with a crown of flower accessories on their heads, or with wonderful headpieces, wearing flowing tulle dresses with adorable pearls) they are in their eighth or ninth months. But despite the fact there are no physical signs around your fiancée’s middle, sometimes, for no reason at all, she will get the sense something is going on. Ultimately the bump will be visible and shaped like a real bump. Be patient. Just be patient. Everything has its own time to appear and disappear, to be sensational and to be visible, to glow and to fade.
5. Never ever utter a single word about pregnant brain. It is abusive!
“Do you remember that you have promised to come to a photo studio and to collect our Christmas photos? I thought when we sat across the cafeteria table from each other last Wednesday, we made a nonverbal agreement that you would collect all of them, and we would meet here to discuss everything that should be done in the evening. Or the only thing which brings you vivid remembrances about this cafeteria is the cup of almond cappuccino you gorgeously sipped the last time we met without paying any attention to my words? Wondered what we agreed to do so? Sorry, I forgot, you have a pregnant brain! I read about pregnant brain several articles. Most of the pregnant women have inevitable changes in their brain structures because of multitude hormones which flow throughout your body. They cause the psychological changes and all your thoughts are concentrated on your baby” …or “Your brain is also pregnant, sorry, I had to understand that you are extremely forgetful because your brain doesn’t function in the same way as it did before your pregnancy…”. Or ‘why are you asking me about it? Isn’t it clear that it is not real? Sometimes you are so naive! Sorry, I forgot! It is your pregnant brain therefore you are so naive!’
‘Yes, the only thing I vividly remember and the only thing that sparkle so many wonderful remembrances of being here is that big cup of almond cappuccino I gorgeously sipped the last time we met. Yes, I forgot that I have promised you. And Yes, my brain is also pregnant. How do you think is it easy to be pregnant? Is it easy to concentrate the attention while everything inside me is constantly changing and I cannot control it? You cannot understand that feeling the baby move inside you it is not always a warm and wonderful feeling, sometimes the baby repositions inside and that hurts too much. The moment I was gorgeously sipping my almond cappuccino was the moment when my baby has already curled up and was falling asleep, I suppose, and after that, surely, you didn’t notice in a glimpse everything has changed. Your iPhone reminder indicated so loudly with that awful melody that you have the business meeting in thirty minutes and after that your business partner called you. Probably it had awakened my baby and my little one was just startled out of his sleepy dreamland. Should I describe you what I was feeling at that moment? Instead of admiring the harmony inside, I felt like he was trying to jump out. I felt strong convulsions while you were talking about something and after that for not disrupting all the romantic atmosphere of being here together, I just curled a glorious smile and glanced at you with glowing eyes. And after that my small bundle of joy repositioned himself several more times, cuddling up, twisting, stretching, kicking, practicing all delicate ballet movements inside, and I continued to be absolutely calm. How do you think is it easy to cope with such things?’
…or ‘Yes, you are absolutely right, my brain not only pregnant, it doesn’t function at. And Yes, right now I am not the best version of myself. And Yes, I have nothing in my memory to remember. Therefore, the very best thing you can do for me is never ever saying this. And by the way, introduce yourself, I don’t remember we have ever met.’
Or… ‘How can you dare say about pregnant brain!’ And she slept me heavily on my face. Baby brain is real. But you should never ever utter a single word about it. Because it is abusive! Never ever utter a single word about baby brain. And never ever cal her ‘naive’. Because it is the utter disrespect! She is the kind that sheds her own glow into every room she walks in. Turning heads, while skillfully engaging in vivid, sparkling conversations. She knows how to make the conversation glittering with aesthetics through the accurate words, she knows how to communicate with her audience verbally and nonverbally, with charm and wit, delivering her spiritual presence with a fashionable twist. The elegance of her every conversation doesn’t leave you feeling confused, embarrassed, fatigued, frustrated, or regretful. It may sound a little bit frustrating, but pregnancy changes all these things. Yes, she is a smart, successful woman yet somehow after she became pregnant she finds herself spacing out on the simplest things and wondering, what is going on? It seems like these days she can barely remember how your iPhone works. Sometimes, it causes anger, sometimes it causes indignation, sometimes it causes frustration, and sometimes she gets so overloaded that she blows a fuse and all the anxiety melts away. For a little while. Some days you will see her smile softly fade into abrupt sadness. You will see her anger, her pain, her frustration, and how she suffers because the pregnancy isn’t always a sparkling time. Sometimes something she has always been successful in would be done in an illogical way. Sometimes she has always been the best one would be done in an inaccurate way. Embrace these alterations. Remember, all these alterations are temporary. The best thing you can do is to
Stop blaming your pregnant significant one for being forgetful, because that “pregnant brain” is a real thing, especially in the third trimester, at which point the baby is basically stealing 20 percent of her blood flow. Just stop doing it. Even when she really can’t remember something or whispers something that sounds extraordinary, do not blame her. Because—whoops—pregnancy brain! Your beloved suffers or will suffer from an overwhelming case of pregnancy brain, in which the ability to remember something becomes an extreme complicacy. That’s when everything you have never imagined to be is so real. You may weigh what is arguably the biggest decision of your life, and it is a fantastic luxury, having perfect memory is also a fantastic luxury. She doesn’t have such luxury while she is pregnant. And after your baby will be born, maybe she won’t have such luxury to remember things for a long time. Furthermore, because of forgetfulness, most of the decisions done by your pregnant beloved will be based on her immediate impulses. And you should admit that the definite reasons lead to her ultimate decisions sometimes will be impossible to identify. She even might say this: I wasn’t sure I didn’t want it. I wasn’t 100%, completely, undoubtedly sure. The forgetfulness might not always be something so easily coped with. Just admit it and tolerate it.
6. Never utter a single word adout hormones. It is insulting!
“Sometimes you are not the same person as you were. Something has changed inside you. And it is really irritating. You are constantly throwing tantrums. What is going on? You must be a strong personality as you have always been. You are able to shape your own intentions and you understand what I am talking about. Life has never turned, doesn’t turn and won’t turn out exactly the way you want it to. Burst into tears in public is something childish. Being embarrassed in public is not a turn on. What embarrasses you? What frustrates you? What irritates you? What makes you angry? Sorry, i forgot, it is hormones! They affect your mind! And you are mind-blown!”
‘Yes, if you see me having a moment of frustration and expressing that I am not satisfied with something, –– I am experiencing strong emotions and I am entrapped in another undesirable tantrum’s flow! It is hard to breathe. I cannot breathe. Every breath hurts. If I cannot shape my intentions how can I understand what you are talking about? You say that I must be strong. But I just want your warm embraces right now and nothing more, just to hear something that sounds soothing, something that sounds delicate, something that sounds reassuring. Not blaming my tantrum. Not blaming me. Yes, sometimes I wish my tantrums didn’t exist. I wish that my problems and tantrums would just disappear, and I don’t particularly know how to stop those tantrums I am constantly suffering from. I’m ashamed that they are there, and I don’t want you to worry about me and to be ashamed because of my behavior. Because sometimes I feel like I have to be the strong one and other times I really just want to scream. Every tantrum makes me feel so very lonely, utterly lonely, so vulnerable, and so nervous. My inner struggles are frustrating and embarrassing because I cannot cope with them silently. I want just to scream, to burst into tears and be embraced warmly by you hearing something soothing. I wish I knew how to truly make my tantrums go away, but I don’t. I don’t know how to cope with my inner struggles. Surely, I don’t want to be glanced at when I am weak, dramatic, or sensitive. I have always pushed the pain far down inside of me, but now I cannot. I don’t have a cure for my emotional pain. Just cannot explain what is inside my soul. Everything is constantly altering, everything is so different, and everything is so unusual.’
Never utter a single word about the hormones. It is insulting!
Being pregnant is being extremely sensitive. Sensitiveness correlates with tantrums. Maybe your pregnant beloved bursts into tears when she can’t find the mobile phone and she is late for work. Maybe she starts declining invitations from her friends. Maybe her health starts declining, or she finds herself exhausted most of the time. An emotional balance will be disrupted because of constant alterations both in your soul and in your mind. Emotional spectrum will be excessively intensive and there won’t be inclusion/exclusion criteria how to understand the constant alterations or to prevent the occurrence of spontaneous bursting into tears or tantrums, in other words coping with emotions would be more difficult. Basically, you will feel two extremes during this time: passionate love and obsessive fear: you will be feeling like you possess a wonderful “secret” inside, which will in turn strike you as gorgeous, fascinating, and royally annoying, knowing you will soon hold your own bundle of “joy” cuddled against you and horrified of what will be later. Furthermore, the first 12 weeks (when the chances of early embryo loss/early fetal loss [early miscarriage] are very high) you will feel more like a bundle of nerves or excessively frustrated than excited. This can be explained by the fact that during pregnancy your nervous system is extremely delicate, that is why it is essential to find something that can soothe your acute feelings or make them less intensive.
Even positive thinking cannot cure you from the emotional pain. Even if you focus only on positive thoughts, the negative thoughts won’t magically fade away. It is impossible to convince yourself you shouldn’t be feeling negative emotions and avoid the pain. Emotions run in all different shapes and sizes and sometimes it is hard to soothe the temper tantrums. Embrace all the tantrums your pregnant beloved has because unfathomable losses of self–control hurt too much. Just like tantrums, emotions can be inexplicable and irrational. And the emotions can cause the tantrums. The only way to get through the tantrum is to face it. When your pregnant beloved feels overwhelming emotions inside of her, do not blame her for letting it out. Allow her to cry as long or as much as she needs. Don’t tell her to get over it and move on. Allow her to truly feel the pain and embrace it. The same goes for any other negative emotion. If it’s anger, embrace that she feels angry. Have the conversation. Let her to release from carrying the burden of that pain. Let the pain to be discussed instead of confronting it directly. Pain has no timeline. Sometimes she may experience more pain at first in order to work through it. Never compare or overshadow your own emotions, dreadful and undesirable moments or problems with the tantrums of your pregnant beloved. This is her time, let her have it all. She is in a really vulnerable position opening up to you. Every person has not only tantrums or undesirable moments but also a set of irrational emotions. Accept that certain desires another person has will be inexplicable. Be compassionate. Be a perfect listener. Ask her questions so she knows you are being sincere and actually giving her the help that she needs. She should be afraid of being vulnerable or throwing tantrums or crying. She shouldn’t be afraid to feel.
7. Never comment and never criticize her tears. She is sensetive!
“What has just happened? Why are you bursting into tears? Have I uttered something wrong?”
‘No, you haven’t uttered the wrong words. Just one vivid remembrance occurred into my mind like a flashback. I am overwhelmed by the love and by the fear what would be later. I am nervous because my bump is constantly growing, and I am not so gorgeous now as I was before. Everything inspires so many different emotions inside my soul and I cannot control them. It is beyond my control. Just cannot explain to you what is inside my soul. Just want to whisper, just want to smile, just want to glance, just want to hide, just want to cry, just want to hear.’
Never ever comment her tears. Never ever criticize her when she bursts into tears. It aroses indignation, nervous tension and emotional abuse!
Being pregnant is being vulnerable. Being pregnant is being extremely touchy. Being pregnant is being completely in touch with the utmost feelings. Being pregnant is being between two extremes. Being vulnerable is having your emotions in your eyes. Being vulnerable is sharing your emotions in every gesture. Being vulnerable is something like falling in love for the first time when you commit to trusting someone with your secrets and your issues and most of all, your heart. The vulnerability is breaking or healing, being fulfilled or being in despair. It is sharing your whole heart. Life is not a show – there is no character for you to play – it is your vulnerability that tells others to wear their hearts on their sleeves, to speak of their dreams, to find a little hope, to be bold enough to make mistakes and to fail. Sometimes vulnerability is the greatest gift — when you expose the best and worst of you. Never ask about tears. Never blame your pregnant beloved for being vulnerable. Never whisper something that sounds more like a criticism then just a comment. Comments are remembered, not only in mind but also in the heart.
8. Never criticize her changing body shape. Never say how big she is getting. Never utter a single word even in whisper how big her bump is. It is dangerous!
“I have just glimpsed at your gorgeous bump! And it is oversized!” …or “Wow, wow, wow! Just cannot believe my eyes! Look, how big you are this week! Your bump is extremely wonderful and very, very, very, very, very big.”
Surely, she knows that she is oversized. If you do want to know the truth she feels herself oversized. The most wonderful compliment she has always dreamt to hear is that she is very, very, very big and that her bump is enormously big. Sounds like something special, something delicate, something desirable to hear. Before criticizing or uttering a single word about her changing body shape, envision the situation in her view. Imagine that you are your pregnant beloved, a young pregnant woman with dark curls in floating pastel–colored dress standing near the perfume boutique’s entrance. Three men are glancing at you and smiling. Suddenly, you hear their conversation: ‘Do not glance at her in such way! Just give a furtive glance at her gorgeous bump!’ So, if you were a woman [not a man] and if you were eight months pregnant with that very big bump, how would you have felt yourself? Enormously big? Lost? Numb? Scared? And if your bump was a real gold standard for comments and brought a flow of inspiration for conversations, how would you have felt yourself? If you were ‘in her shoes’ [in your pregnant beloved shoes], would you have loved being glanced at, glared at, glimpsed at, whispered at, smiled at, giggled at, laughed at, wondered at, gossiped at, inspired at? Do you know that it is like being at the hospital, feeling deeply ashamed for being there and extremely anxious for causing the troubles for the others because of your health?
But most of all she does prefer being stared at in a mute amazement. She does love, love, love, love to notice that. If you do want to have an argument, then you should comment that she is very, very big. But there is one counterargument she has: ‘Would you like to be a woman? Would you like to know how do I feel being pregnant? Would you like to give a birth instead of me? Why have you just stopped gossiping about me? Where is your voice? Where are your whispered commentaries and indignant glances?’.
If you don’t want to be slapped on the face, or to have an argument, then remember the first rule: never criticize her changing body shape. Never say how big she is getting. Never utter a single word even in whisper how big her bump is. It is dangerous!
And take into your consideration that everything you are doing [glancing at, glaring at, glimpsing at, whispering at, smiling at, giggling at, laughing at, wondering at, gossiping at her bump] is royally annoying for her. Being a man, you may consider that pregnancy is something magical. believe me that it doesn’t always feel that way. She wants to feel beautiful every step of the way as the baby grows inside her — as beautiful as all of you, lovely strangers or passers–by who are ‘complimenting’ her bump seem to think she is. But you just can’t get there mentally. She feels enormous being in her pregnant body, not gorgeously beautiful. And even if you think that the pregnancy is a lovely, mystical, and dreamy thing, it is absolutely different from sitting on a tuffet, eating a caramel ice cream, in floaty vanilla–colored tulle dress, and being a glowing embodiment of new life, during these nine months of expecting a baby. And, yes, she has already gained additional 20 pounds above her normal weight. Not because she is constantly eating but because of the little one growing inside.
Remember that there is no an absolute, one–size–fits–all formula with strong criteria for how women show during pregnancy. How big the bump will be and how exactly will the bump be shaped. Commentaries about the body shape, about the bump shape, about the bump size, are not recommended and strictly forbidden. No one likes hearing how big he his. Especially your pregnant significant one. Even if you are constantly giving her reassurance that she is looking gorgeous, your beloved doesn’t feel very self–confident with her new, twenty–plus–pound body shape. Even if she is absolutely thrilled to be pregnant, she will struggle with her body image, even knowing why she is putting on the pounds. Especially staying in lingerie every morning in the middle of the bedroom and choosing the outfit. The reality of her new body–shape is so unglamorous, and it hurts. That is the truth of it. But there is something that would help your significant one to cope with her frustration and embarrassment and would make her body shape more accurate. And you can do it. Purchase a gift card for prenatal yoga classes in a yoga studio or somewhere your significant one is allowed to attend by her doctor. The alterations of her physical shape won’t be too dramatic but after these prenatal yoga classes, her self–confidence will sparkle and ultimately, she will go back to feeling like yourself. It takes time. And you should be really delicate when commenting the bump–shape or body–shape. Remember, it is not a simple task to have one curled up baby inside the body. Be a tolerant speaker, be a patient listener. Everything needs time.
9. You will be nearly completely replaced by pillows, including that huge pastel–colored flower print full body pillow which you hate the most
Forget about cuddling up to her at night. Forget about moments when you couldn’t fall asleep until she was snuggled against you in your arms. Forget about the moments when you were someone who pulled her closer when she was tossing and turning at night. Now she has another lover in her passionate hugs. Her languishing eyes will be glittering at a glance at her new lover. And surely it is not you. Because you cannot give her such a luxury to sleep in the most comfortable position. Wondering what am I talking about? Confused? Indagated? Numb? Lost? Want to have a conversation with representing the counterarguments?
Did you spend a ton of money on making your bedroom utmost couture, inspiring, and stylish? Did you spend a ton of money on implementing that 36 adorable bedding ideas in your reality? Including the idea with twelve pastel–colored flower–print, exclusively embroidered gold–colored, cream–colored lacy, and mixed pattern pillows? And including those four beautiful cushions adorned with ruffles which add them glam and elegance? Did you spend a ton of money on the most wonderful mattress you have always envisioned only in your dreams? Some sort of memory foam or pillowtop deal that makes you feel like thousands of little gorgeous angels are massaging you as you fall asleep every night and there is no tossing or turning to find the sleeping position because you are lying down and fall asleep? Have you caught the idea? If you are still embarrassed, well, I do hope you also spent some money on a comfortable stylish couch, because that’s likely where you will be sleeping for a decent part of the pregnancy. And it’s not so much because of the increased space your pregnant beloved takes up, either. It’s the pillows. The pillows of all shapes and sizes you have never ever envisioned in your mind.
Yup, that’s right. You become increasingly irrelevant as the pregnancy wears on, but the 39 pillows — including that godforsaken full–body pillow – become essential nighttime lovers. And when push comes to shove, you’re getting the shove to the sofa. There will be a pillow–crowd in your bed. I’m not sure that she will notice that, but you will definitely notice and inevitably face that, believe me, but your bed will be only a full. Even the rule “pillows on the floor”, won’t stabilize the situation. Do all these differently–shaped, differently–sized, and differently colored pillow pay rent? Does that huge pastel–colored flower pring full body pillow pay rent? Is it getting screwed by the debt limit compromise? No? And you wish she put it on the floor. Do you remember what I have just said that when push comes to shove, you’re getting the shove to the sofa? You would be sleeping there. And that huge pastel–colored flower print full body pillow will be left in your bed. It will sleep in her passionate hugs. It will hold her closer and closer. It will interfere with your compromise in bed. Sometimes you will have the open conversations about the right way to sleep with each other, but that huge pastel–colored flower print full body pillow will take away your right to negotiate, and you will get the shove to the sofa. Or the moment you get out of bed, she rolls over into a perfect pastel–colored warm cocoon, cuddles up to that huge pastel–colored flower print full body pillow, hugs it tightly, place it to where you had been lying, and then she immediately falls asleep again. This will make you feel like she doesn’t really need you in the bed. This will make you think that she just needs something to wrap her arms around to put her soul at ease. You will feel like she is cheating on you in front of your eyes.
And even after you get out of the shower, she is still perfectly asleep with a slight smile on her face, fondling that huge pastel–colored flower print full body pillow. Your mind will recollect the vivid remembrances about the time when she hugged you in the bed while she was sleeping. All your thoughts will be about: ‘Does she miss me?’ or ‘How can she ever possibly miss me in bed when I’m so easily replaced?’. Your hope at winning a space in bed will be completely disrupted. Stop laughing at this paragraph because that huge pastel–colored flower print full body pillow will win your space in your bed. Furthermore, that huge pastel–colored flower print full body pillow is considered as the gorgeous sleeping accessory. And every time you are casting a withering or wistful glance at that huge pastel–colored flower print full body pillow, you feel that she is closing her eyes and falling asleep with a thought how gorgeous that huge pastel–colored flower print full body pillow is.
Why does it happen? Pregnancy alters completely her sleeping patterns. Conclusively, there will be just one luxurious sleep position left for you in the third trimester.
Intrigued about which sleep position will be left for you? Anxious? Confused? Intimidated? Embarrassed? Frustrated? Nervous? Numb? Shocked? Worried? And this intimidating scenario of your sleep position can be prevented, or this absolutely realistic version of the following consequences can be completely changed, therefore you shouldn’t feel yourself like a bundle of nerves, thinking about how you will sleep in the end of your pregnancy.
The further along she gets in her pregnancy the less she can sleep comfortably. Finding the comfortable sleeping position can be especially problematic if she is even five months pregnant. Eventually, being in her third trimester, especially in the late third trimester’s period, she realizes that she can only sleep in only one position if she wants to get any sleep during the night and that is on her back. The other positions to sleep are now like the sweetest memories. And when she is casting a wistful glance at you being able to sleep in any position you want, she gets a little wishful she could have that same luxury. Even if she loves cuddling her favorite twelfth pillow with both her arms, clasping them tightly beneath her pillow, and turn her head on the left, lying on her belly, this her most gorgeous sleep position will be the one she will have only after your small bundle is born. So, when is her due date? In four months and two weeks? That seems that she will sleep in her utmost preferable sleep position in four months and two or three weeks. Sounds embarrassing and intimidating, doesn’t it? Even the thought about it disrupts your breath, doesn’t it? Even the visualization of the most probable scenarios of how she will sleep (in which sleep position) in a month inspires you with intrigue and fear, doesn’t it? Every new week of your pregnancy reduces the variety of her sleep positions, doesn’t it? But you do want to do something and to control the whole situation, don’t you? You do want the casual evening scenario to be changed. You do want her to sleep comfortably. You do want everything to be aesthetic while she is sleeping. You do want everything to be beautiful at this special time. You do want her to feel herself glowing and gorgeous while she is pregnant. You do want her to feel comfortable while being pregnant. You do want her to fall asleep and to wake up without any sight of exhaustion, nervous tension or confusion. You do want her to get up and feel the glow of the new day in your life. And you can do it. Just understand one thing: that huge pastel–colored flower print full body pillow has something that you don’t have. It gives her the luxury you can’t give. It helps her to sleep at night comfortably. And the comfortable sleeping position is of vital importance. Therefore, the best thing you can do is to sleep on that couch in your bedroom without uttering a single word about your hatred of that huge pastel–colored flower print full body pillow.
Because without that huge pastel–colored flower print full body pillow she cannot sleep, or she cannot just lie in the bed, close her eyes and fall asleep. Her usual evening scenario starts by tossing and turning. She lays on the bed amongst the wonderful pastel–colored pillows, she fights that halfway state between her dreams and her reality. She rearranges her seven pastel–colored pillows several times. She hugs her pillows tightly. She cuddles up to three of them close. She tries laying on her right side, then left, then back to right, then back to the left. She kicks the blankets to the edge of the bed and then discovers that she is freezing so she pulls them back up to her shoulders and burrows. She stares at the clock. She wonders how it became 01:00 AM so quickly and why she is so tired. She mentally retraces all her steps. Did she have a cup of warming sweet cappuccino with almond slices later than she should have? Did she have an argument yesterday in the evening? As her subconscious loses, she concludes that she must get up out of the bed. Because there is no comfortable position for her to sleep. But still, she feels the soft silk material of her sheets and the heavenly sensation of her warm feet wrapped in her blankets. She rolls over into a perfect pastel–colored warm cocoon and it is also uncomfortable sleeping position because of her gorgeously hugged (by her hand) big bump. Just ten more minutes, it is not so long, she begs her body to try to feel comfortable in this sleeping position. But it turns really uncomfortable in three minutes and she gets up to sit on the bed.
Because with that huge pastel–colored flower print full body pillow she can sleep in the comfortable sleeping position. She curls back into her bed, around that huge pastel–colored flower print full body pillow, which envelopes her expanding belly, cuddles it passionately, rearranges her hands and legs under those warm blankets, and falls asleep. It also will become her lover stand–in for nighttime cuddling. Pregnancy is the mysterious time when her body shape is constantly changing. It may be the glowing, glittering, and sparkling time, or may be confusing, embarrassing, and intimidating time. Everything depends on her emotions, feelings, and comfort. An expanding belly can make sleeping comfortably absolutely impossible for her. And that huge pastel–colored flower print full body pillow envelopes all her curves so the only things disturbing her dreamtime are only multiple trips to the loo. It is exclusively designed for this special time, for the luxurious full body support and for the optimal control of the body. It is an ideal sleeping accessory. Its plush polyester filling and additional belly support provide ideal relaxation for the side sleeping. So, the sleeping positions are again available for her, as curling up to that huge pastel–colored flower print full body pillow reveals the lost opportunities. The only thing she should do to fall immediately asleep is to cuddle up to that huge pastel–colored flower print full body pillow and to cuddle her body in a preferred sleeping position. And do not worry that she is anti–cuddling at night because she is cuddling her gorgeous pillow, just remember that she is not anti– affection, or anti–passionate. She is just trying to fall asleep in the comfortable sleeping position. be tolerant of that huge pastel–colored flower pring full body pillow. Because sooner you will win your space in the bed. That’s it.
10. After your baby is born, she will still look seven month pregnant during some time. Don’t comment that! It is infuriating!
Her belly does not go away immediately after your baby is born. You knew it would take a while for her to lose the pregnancy weight, but for some reason, you didn’t realize she would still look pregnant. You thought the belly would deflate as soon as the thing keeping it up, the baby, came out of it. And now she appears about seven months pregnant. Surely, you will be surprised by that. But she will be wondering is it possible to be in a perfect body shape after the pregnancy? She will be intimidated by the thoughts that she will never have the pre–pregnancy perfect body shape? She will experience nervous tension, or she will be deeply frustrated when she will be sitting around her couture clothes or evening outfits and thinking about the things that are going wrong after her pregnancy. Therefore, never ever emphasize verbally or non–verbally that her body shape has changed dramatically. She knows that, be sure. And when you glance admiringly at someone gorgeous, elegant, graceful, amazingly–shaped, metaphorically ‘scented and glittering’, remember that it is the art of making something look so beautiful yet so simple. The process of mastering this art form is absolutely nothing like that. It is quite literally may be full of confusion, embarrassment, frustration, tears and if it includes mastering the skills of perfectness, it may be full of blood also. Nothing wonderful comes without sacrifice. That person didn’t create the life they are living overnight, they have molded themselves every day in ways we cannot begin to imagine, they have spent hours on their craft even if we don’t know it. We don’t know what it cost them or lost them. Gorgeousness, perfectness, elegance, grace, charisma is not a gift, but a decision. And you can help her to do it. While you have the time and the body, – everything is possible but the whole process of becoming the best version of yourself is a lifelong commitment to a new way of living, day in, day out, without exception. Try to find the most delicate words to reminder her that she will struggle through the agony, through the pain, through the never–ending sacrifices. In life, the others will often glance at her only as the completed version she is. Remind her that you will help her to become gorgeous again. Remind her that you will also try to be handsome. Remind yourself and herself that you and she should accept the lifelong commitment to molding yourself into something gorgeous and beautiful. To make the soul gorgeous and the body beautiful you and she should work day in, day out, without exception.
Find the most reassuring and soothing words which will help her to forget about perfection, and to love the process of self–modelling. Surely, she was taught that perfection was unattainable. And surely, you were taught that perfection was unattainable. Find the most accurate and inspiring words to explain her the following truth about the life. If you master something, eventually you will be outdone. Perfection is always transitory, but love is not. If your goal in life is to master something or to be the best at something, you will not find lasting satisfaction. But if you can find a passion, where you love the process, happiness will be yours. Whatever you love in this world, never focus so much on the mastery of the skill that your passion dwindles. Make your life an imperfectly passionate performance, in everything you do. Let yourself be yourself, let yourself be in harmony with yourself, let yourself to create your own ‘atmosphere of feeling’, ‘atmosphere of learning’, ‘atmosphere of wondering’, ‘atmosphere of mastering’, ‘atmosphere of inclusion and exclusion’, ‘atmosphere of loving’, ‘atmosphere of success’.
In the utmost wonderful moment, just say these words: ‘Do not compare yourself to the world. You will be always compared to the others – relentlessly, brutally, and continually. It will make you want to change yourself according to the accepted standards. Don’t do it if you completely satisfied with the version of yourself. Because everyone is unique, everyone is gorgeous, everyone is wonderful, everyone is delicate, and this is a beautiful thing. Your life is only yours. Don’t judge yourself for not being as beautiful, as gorgeous, as elegant, as intelligent or as strong as the next person. Comparisons always explicate your self–blaming, self–negligence, and self–disrespect. You are perfect enough as you are. Nobody walked your path, nobody knows your challenges. And you don’t know anybody else’s either. When you stop comparing, you stop judging, and when you stop judging you create the freedom to be who you are and love others exactly as they are. Your output is directly proportional to effort. Nobody wakes up one day beautiful, gorgeous, and perfectly shaped. Nobody has the perfect yoga pose or ballet grand jeté on their first attempt. The output is always, always, always directly proportional to your effort. The amount of time you put in will always determine the quality of your output. Sometimes it takes months and months and years of effort with very little ‘output’ to show for our work, but in the end, the two are directly correlated. Just remember that output is not only measured in terms of results, it is who you become because of the path you chose. But the perfect body shape ultimately will be yours. You should choose to look for the opportunities in every loss, the positives in every failure. Make your worst moments the ones that marked the beginnings of your best moments. Your pain will make you grow if you let it. And the success will be yours.’