10 Things you Should do Differently to Make your Relationship Glow

Relationships are always closely associated with love, sometimes associated with something delicate, mysterious ad joyful. But a relationship is much more than saying ‘I love you’ this might be what you feel, or been feeling for some time now but the truth is, it's just meaningful if its followed with actions and not just sweet words. Sometimes you feel that loving your significant other will never fade away because you will always have the love for him hiding somewhere in my heart, but this feeling is fragile. Sometimes you feel that your significant other loves you but this kind of love or this language of love still is wrong, or even toxic, to you.

Are you constantly wondering how does a relationship last? Are you constantly wondering if there's ever a criterion or a standard in loving, in managing lasting relationships? Are you constantly wondering is it about feeling in love all the time? If you are constantly stressing about the relationship, then, ultimately, you may destroy it. Even the most perfect version of the relationship may be remodeled by the constant nervous tension and may be destroyed completely.

You can ruin a perfectly good relationship by not putting in the effort. By not making it a priority for you. And by not caring as not much as you should. By putting or ‘implementing’ your own standards on the relationship and by putting in an effort to make everything work out. By highly respecting only your own or only your significant other’s values and principles. By judging only your own or only your significant other’s insecurities, fears, and flaws. By wanting to learn about your significant other as deeply as you possibly can. Or, the controversial scenario you can ruin a perfectly good relationship by caring too much, loving too much, and expecting too much of their significant others. And heres where the misunderstanding takes place. You may consider your relationship glowing, gorgeous, intriguing, passionate. But it doesn’t always feel that way. And the trouble is in the cognitive interpretation of the emotions.

Emotions are constantly interacting with the cognition. Cognition is constantly interacting with the reality. Everything depends on the accuracy of the cognitive interpretation of your emotions. If you are anxious, ashamed, confused, embarrassed, or frustrated, how can you interpret correctly your emotions? If you are anxious, ashamed, confused, embarrassed, or frustrated, you are interpreting the emotions through the anxiety’s paradigm, shame’s paradigm, confusion’s paradigm, embarrassment paradigm, etc. Then, everything is interpreted with the utmost glowing emotional blend. Emotions change your cognitive patterns, behavioral patterns, and as a result, your thoughts and actions can be different from what you basically want. Your cognition misinterprets your emotions, and everything is envisioned differently, everything changes its definition. The relationship becomes hard.

Or another example. Sometimes the hard relationship becomes the most strong and sincere, because sometimes love may be hidden behind anger. Love may be hidden behind capriciousness. Love may be hidden behind frustration. Love may be hidden behind indignation. Love may be hidden behind irritation. Love may be hidden behind ignorance. Love may be hidden behind negligence. Sometimes the days which begin with the gorgeous sunshine, spring notes of the delicate scents, and the trust is based on intriguing conversations, everything that makes the dazzling spring luxury so cordial, and so beautiful, hide something hideous. Something that shouldn’t be yours. Something that presents only the awful; collisions, confusion, embarrassment, frustration, grief, – all that has to disappear from your life. Once in a while, love comes in your life in the moment when everything is collapsed and disrupted, or even there is nothing you can change to make your situation better. Everything around you glitters, glows, and sparkles, but for you, everything is faded because you lost something extremely essential for you. And sometimes that loss was necessary to happen, or the worst situation was necessary to occur to alter everything and to bring into your life the love and after that the inspiration. Sometimes love comes after the deepest embarrassment, the deepest frustration, the deepest grief. Sometimes the love comes after the betrayal, sometimes the love comes after you lost the hope.

Remember that when love feels harder than it should be, it’s not cordial and sincere love. It’s not the cordial version of love at least because even though the right version of love is complicated, it is also never excruciatingly hard. It doesn’t make you tossing and turning for hours on end, never being able to soothe your own mind, and finally, leave you up all night crying because you don’t know where you stand or if you’re being treated right or if you are the only one. It doesn’t make you question what’s wrong with you. It doesn’t make you want to give up on love and everything that has to do with it. Love heals. It doesn’t destroy. Love doesn’t leave you broken. It makes you complete. Love brings out the best in you, it doesn’t make you angry, anxious, confused, embarrassed, irritated, sorrowful resentful, or vindictive. Love only hurts when it’s wrong. Love shows you a whole new world, a world you never thought you’d live, it doesn’t make your world darker or harder or more painful. Love shows you the glowing light.

True relationship unfolds the unconditional, pure love. Love without mistrust. Love without hurtful conversations. Love without withering glances. Love without criticizing. Love without comments full of ugly words and whispers. Love without anguish. Love without waiting for something that might never happen. Love without glancing furtively at the loved one who doesn’t notice you. Love without twisting thoughts about the loved one day and night while you probably never cross his mind. Love without emotional abuse. Love without pain. Love without sufferings. It should be another version of love. Love that is supposed to remove all your doubts. Love that truly brings you an inspiration and delight. Love that is so intensive that feelings of your loved one become your feelings. When your loved one’s sadness swirls into yours, correlating with your emotions, blending your emotions and inspiring emotions in you. Or what is the word for that feeling when you glimpsed your loved one’s glowing glance at you, and all you feel is the warmth even though it’s the middle of the winter and you are surrounded by the stinging cold. Love that turns everything into glittering, shimmering, sparkling. Love that holds you closer even grasps passionately your wrists when you are pushing it away.

Pure love is the love which cannot be defined with concrete words because all the implicit and explicit words are mysteries. They are felt without being visual. They are real but never leave a shadow behind. Love makes the relationship strong. Pure love is more than a phrase. It is the essence of a relationship. You don’t want the inspiring bouquets of pastel–colored flowers stylishly designed especially for the winter season, the du–jour incredibly sophisticated jewerly, that could turn unforgettable the moments of temptation and glamour, the embellished clutches, that demonstrate the absolute elegance, or the unique gifts, that emphasize the special occasions. You do want the tender kisses, the passionate hugs, the inspiring open conversations as much as you want to be seen. As much as you want to be trusted, to be shared with, to be cared for. Pure love is the way that we show our loved ones that we love them in ways that surprise them. It could be the message at any time of the day or night and you will surely get a reply. It could be soothing your significant other drying his tears, and never causing them again. It could be something extraordinary done to make you sparkle with delight.

Is the love so beautiful? Is the love so charming? Is the love so delicate? Is the love so ephemeral? Is the love so inspiring? Is love so confusing? Is love so embarrassing? Is love so destroying? Is love so frustrating? The answer to every question is ‘Yes’ as the love has so many categories. Love is pure. It’s unadulterated and untouched. It’s one of the most vulnerable emotions a person can utmost strongly feel. The emotion of love is unique and unsurpassable. Love is an exhausting concept, emotion, feeling, experience, as it is not always charmingly cordial, passionately hugged, elegantly glimpsed, or inspiringly glanced. Sometimes love is embarrassing and tearful, ordinary and boring; sometimes it is bitter and toxic. It can be mind–blowing and yet, the source of all disquietude. Sometimes it is wrapped in a mystery, sometimes it is wrapped in confusion, sometimes it is wrapped in utterly delicate embarrassment and nervous tension. There are always multiple versions of love you should blend to make the utmost perfect love brand. But most of all, love is a choice, your choice. You chose those who you love. Love is not an understanding of what you are feeling because it is impossible to describe inclusively what you feel neither linguistically, nor metaphorically, neither verbally, nor non-verbally. Love is something you have to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater… It should not be compared. It should not be validated. It should not get treated as an offer that can be withdrawn at any second. Overfilled with million clauses and conditions. Usually small lettered at the end of a contract signed by only one part. Love is the essence of your relationship and it shouldn’t be neglected.

Sometimes you chose to love your soul mate, sometimes you chose to love an authentic personality with different intentions, with different preferences, with different priorities, with different emotional patterns, with different behavioral patterns. Having the relationship with your soul mate means having the loved one who is your authentic version, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention, so you can change your life. And sometimes it is very difficult to be in the relationship with your soul mate. Because it is too embarrassing. Because it is too intriguing. Because it is too painful. And if you are in the relationship with your soul mate, never ignore, or never neglect the emotions, the feelings, the glances, the gestures, the smiles, the hugs, or the words. Because it is the same as ignoring or neglecting yourself. It causes the deepest emotional abuse. It causes the deepest frustration. It causes anxiety. It causes bitterness. Wondering why? Being in the relationship with your soul mate reveals the new versions of yourself through shaking you up, interfering with your wishes, making you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life entirely, inspiring the utmost delicate feelings inside your soul.

Having a relationship with your loved one who is an authentic person with a different vision, with different preferences, with different priorities, with different behavioral patterns, with different emotional patterns, is also complicated. Because the ways your loved one shows you his love are different from those you would want his love to be represented. Because the ways your loved one gives you his love are different from those you would want his love to be given. Because your loved one shows you the version of yourself you would have never preferred. And the multiple misunderstandings appear in your life.

Basically, there are three types of misunderstanding:

Emotional misunderstanding, cognitive misunderstanding, and logical misunderstanding. Misunderstanding always causes abuse. The emotional misunderstanding causes emotional abuse. The cognitive misunderstanding causes psychological abuse. The logical misunderstanding causes physical abuse.

Sometimes it is impossible to show [to represent/to demonstrate] or to interpret [cognitively/in your mind] correctly these nonverbal indicators of cordiality. Everything is interpreted in the wrong way. Your sparkling emotions are interpreted and understood [cognitively] as show off. The glittering emotions of your significant other are interpreted and understood [cognitively] as an utter contempt. Your gorgeous glance is interpreted and understood [cognitively] as a withering glance. Your significant other’s glance is interpreted and understood [cognitively] as an indignant glance. Your glimmering smile is interpreted and understood [cognitively] as a supercilious smile. Your significant other’s smile is interpreted and understood [cognitively] as a sardonic smile. Every touch is interpreted and understood [cognitively] as a heavy touch. Every wrist–holding is interpreted and understood [cognitively] as a painful grasp. Furthermore, nonverbal indicators change the understanding of verbal skills. Exquisite verbal skills are interpreted and understood as those to use that to the advantage. Every whispered word brings emotional abuse. Every whispered word in one more voice’s tone is interpreted and understood as an insult. Every wrist–holding is understood as a physical abuse and may result in the visible bruises on the wrists.

There are no golden criteria for the love representation.

Sometimes it is a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence. Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter. Sometimes love means just a conversation with wonderful eyes.

There is no golden standard for a relationship.

No relationship is perfect, ever. Sometimes it is compromise, or arguments, or comments full of ugly words and whispers. Sometimes it is an inspiration, it is passion, it is flirtatious conversations full of intriguing words and glittering glances.

You can make your relationship glow.

Because sometimes love is too pure to be felt. Too pure to be accurately shown. Too pure to be completely understood. Too pure to be delicately given. Too pure to be wholly received. And only you can choose all of these emotions. By choosing the accurate word to identify love, you are choosing your fortune, the fortune of your loved one, and the fortune of your relationship. Because love is inspired in your soul, then envisioned in your mind, then transformed into visual signs, and given to your significant other. You are responsible for your relationship, and what is more important to be noted down, is that you can make your relationship more cordial, deep, sincere, and strong.

The ideal relationship is everything done with the utmost cordiality and good will. The ideal relationship is everything done with the utmost sympathy and joy.

Even the worst moments in a relationship can be changed. Even a relationship which is nearly ‘FADED’ can glow again. The question is: ‘Do you want to continue this relationship?’ or have you both experienced a emotional disruption that has torn your feelings towards each-other. You should distinguish these two extremes in the utmost accurate way.

Ask yourself a question: ‘Do you think love is something you have to earn?’ Clearly, the answer is ‘No’. Love should be represented in the most delicate style! Without rules or expectations. Without guilt. Without trying too hard. You shouldn’t try really hard to prove that you deserve the respect and love. You shouldn’t try to keep your relationship ‘GLOW’ if you are loved one moment and then screamed at the next moment. You shouldn’t validate your self–worth all the time. Your feelings shouldn’t be validated only in moments your significant loved you. Your feelings should be respected every single moment you are in the relationship. You shouldn’t feel that the love can be taken away at any moment.

There are 10 things you should do differently to be great in the relationship

1. Embrace your feelings instead of suppressing them

Being a woman means being overemotional. Being overwhelmed with emotions. Being hugged by your emotions. Being lost in your emotions. Being absolutely confused by your emotions. Being embarrassed by your emotions. Being very vulnerable because of having the delicate nervous system during pregnancy. Embrace that sometimes you will be wondering what your beloved is doing, where he is going and if he is telling the truth. Embrace that sometimes you will be utterly sensitive because of the emotions, and your cognition will represent you the inaccurate meaning of the words. Embrace that sometimes you will have irrelevant thoughts that your relationship is filled with empty promises and canceled plans and your beloved is not making you a priority anymore, and it will become very hurtful, and sometimes you will be totally lost because of the irrational thoughts what is actually happens with you. Embrace that sometimes you will feel like you are not an absolutely perfect version of yourself and that the feelings are not the same and probably the respect is not the same. Embrace that sometimes your conversations will be full of arguments because you both are frustrated. Embrace that sometimes you will feel lonely. Embrace that sometimes you will feel those disrupting emotions but will have to represent the other emotional version verbally. Embrace that sometimes you will feel no passion at all and all your thoughts will be about your passionless relationship. Embrace all your emotions instead of suppressing them.

2. Release the past without allowing it to define the current relationship

Yes, breakups happen. And if your previous relationship was based on love, the heartbreak denoted the following: true love is never forgotten. Because it was the utmost charmingly cordial. Because it was the utmost delicate. Because it was the utmost deep. Time may fade the vividness of your remembrances and bring healing to your broken heart, but that person is never erased from your mind, their presence is never entirely forgotten because these remembrances are envisioned in your mind from time to time, no matter how much time has passed. Their love will always be missed. True love leaves a permanent scar that will never fully fade. It will change you intrinsically and become a part of you eternally. You will feel pain, sorrow, loneliness, and suffering but not hatred. True love will reminisce. It will romanticize your relationship and make it perfect in your consciousness. It will discard the flaws and diminish the fractures along the way that led to its ultimate demise. The delightful memories will be the ones stored closest to your soul. They will be retold in your commentaries and in your conversations. If you are constantly analyzing and comparing your past relationship with your present relationship, it is strongly recommended by the psychologists to wish your past lover all the best and to move on. The best way is to treat the situation fairly without placing past blame on it.

3. Stop stressing about your present relationship

Nothing is perfect. In a long–term committed relationship, everything can be changed. Because feelings change. One day, you find yourself madly in love and then one day, you lose that spark. Because together you push each other to be more, to do more, to feel more and to know more. And both of you can be emotionally, psychologically or physically exhausted. Accept this fact. Being inflexible to these situations or comparing your past relationship with the relationship you are in at present disrupts all the romantic patterns you both had, and, conclusively causes the destruction of your relationship. But it doesn’t mean the end of your relationship at all. It means just the alterations of the several aspects. If you do want this scenario to be implemented in your future, you may continue being afraid of being heartbroken. But if you want to prevent this undesirable scenario for your relationship, then you should do everything to stop being afraid of the heartbreak.

4. Think logically instead of overthinking

Instead of overthinking, think logically. True love is the understanding that everything has its time and place. True love will always care. Start caring about your significant other. Even after the extreme pain has been inflicted by your irrational thoughts about the end of your relationship, you should take in consideration that true love will wish nothing but the best. True love ultimately wants what’s best for the other. If you do want to make your relationship the utmost cordial, the utmost delicate, and the utmost strong, then caring about your significant other should be one of your priorities. Because the time is a very ephemeral thing. If you are continuously lost in your embarrassment and frustration, you may not notice that something has started to change. And you wouldn’t have enough time to do something about it. And time is the only thing you both have. Every glance, every hug, every touch, every smile, and every word has its own time and place. You should stop being afraid of being heartbroken if you do want to be loved and to give your love. Be present in the present moment. You have enough love in your heart to make your relationship glow. You have enough verbal skills to express your love through the conversations. You have enough delicacy in every touch and every hug to express your love through your soul and heart without uttering a single word.

5. Understand the balance of representing, giving, and receiving the love

Wondering why you misunderstand your significant other and why you are misunderstood? You have your criteria exclusion and inclusion criteria for your priorities and preferences when it comes to what you love and what you don’t love. Your significant other has his own criteria exclusion and inclusion criteria for his priorities and preferences when it comes to what he loves and what he doesn’t love. Similarly, you also have your priorities and preferences when it comes to how you represent [show], give and receive love. Your significant other has HIS priorities and preferences when it comes to how you represent [show], give and receive love. There are certain things you do to express your love to your significant other and certain ways you would like him to express his love to you. There are certain things your significant other does to express his love to you and certain ways he would like you to express your love to him. And these certain things may be absolutely different. It is the unique phenomenon if you and your significant other represent, give and receive the version of love you both prefer. Because you expect to receive that same kind of love you represent and give back. And your significant other expects to receive that same kind of love he represents and gives back.

This becomes a major problem because you are so busy loving your significant other the way you want to be loved [your ‘branded’ version of love, for instance, you represent and give the style of love which is utmost delicate and utmost cordial, you don’t love to show your love in the presence of the others, you don’t love your wrist to be grasped passionately in the presence of the others, or you don’t love to discuss something about the love in the presence of the others], – and your significant other is loving you the way he wants to be loved [his ‘branded’ version of love, he represents and gives the style of love which is utmost flirtatious and utmost passionate, he loves to show you his love in the presence of the others, he loves the flirtatious conversations with you in the presence of the others, he loves to grasp your wrist passionately in the presence of the others, he loves ‘eyes–to eyes’ contact in the presence of the others, he loves the discussions about the love in the presence of the others] – and so no one feels loved the way they truly want and need. Instead of it, you are both ashamed of each other. And something embarrassing interferes with your love.

6. Learn more about the psychology of emotions and about the cognition

Men and women are absolutely different. Being a woman means being overemotional most of the time. Being a man means thinking logically, instead of being emotional most of the time. When you are emotionally exasperated, the absence of the emotional reaction from your significant other confuses you greatly. Probably sometimes you thought that he ignores you completely or he is indifferent to your problems. And this is the major misunderstanding. In fact, your loved one is thinking about you and your problem the moment you are emotionally exasperated. But he thinks what he can do to help you instead of the emotional reaction to the result or the situation you are involved in. He thinks how to solve the problem as quickly as possible to soothe you. Misunderstanding starts with nonverbal or verbal hurt or both from nonverbal and verbal hurt. Wondering why does it happen? You may consider your relationship glowing, gorgeous, intriguing, passionate. But it doesn’t always feel that way. And the trouble is in the cognitive interpretation of the emotions. Emotions are constantly interacting with the cognition. Cognition is constantly interacting with the reality. Reality is constantly interacting with the emotions. Everything depends on the accuracy of the cognitive interpretation of the emotions. If you are anxious, ashamed, confused, embarrassed, or frustrated, how can you interpret your emotions? If you are anxious, ashamed, confused, embarrassed, or frustrated, you are interpreting the emotions through the anxiety paradigm. Then, everything's interpreted with the utmost glowing emotional blend. Anxiety is blended emotions of fear, self–contempt, self–shame, self–worthlessness. This emotional blend loses up your hands and not metaphorically but physically and creates one single thought in your mind that everything is disrupted because of you. Anxious emotional blend sardonically laughs at you screaming loudly: ‘Hey, you, you are alone, your beloved is going to leave you, no one wants to be with you, no one wants to hold your hand and wipe your tears, no one wants to whisper a single word that it would have been ever altered’. On the psychological level, anxious emotional blend makes you numb. Your emotions are turned up to the maximum and we feel on edge and slightly terrified. It’s wanting to scream loudly, but also not wanting to utter a single word. It’s having no idea why you feel this way, but also knowing exactly why. It’s feeling like you have so much potential, yet I will never make it. It’s taking tiny gasps of air, wondering if this is how everyone breathes. Suffering from anxiety means that your ability to understand others is unsurpassable. Because you have not only vivid visual remembrances and conceptualized words you have heard, or you have uttered, associated with every person – you have a warm or cold feeling – unique emotional spectrum for every person you have ever met in your life, including just exchanging the glances. Suffering from anxiety means that you watch everything so closely. Suffering from anxiety means that you will notice every single glance. Suffering from anxiety means that you will notice if you’ve said something to make someone uncomfortable. Suffering from anxiety means that you will notice the slightest facial expression change. Or a change in tone. Suffering from anxiety means that you will notice if something changes even a little. When it comes to relationships you can just feel when something is about to change. You can feel when your connection with your beloved is different than it was. You can feel that the person is pulling away even if the person hasn’t done it yet. You can feel conversations changing. And while part of you wants to cling and hang on you know the inevitable is letting go. If someone or your beloved leaves, you dwell in the past wondering when that shift occurred: ‘Was it something I said?’, ‘Was it something I did?’, ‘How can I fix it?’, ‘Is it too late?’. On the physiological level, anxious emotional blend makes you breathless. You are struggling for every single breath, which hurts you, ever come close to drowning and quite suddenly unable to breathe, or focus, or trust that your breathing will be okay. When you are experiencing anxiety, or when you suddenly have a panic attack, you get into a hyper–sense state where suddenly everything becomes very loud and very bright to you. You literally have a nervous breakdown.

Anxious emotional blend is given as the example. Emotional and cognitive misunderstanding can create the multiple variations of the other emotional blends and their versions by mixing anxiety, shame, confusion, embarrassment, frustration, intense guilt, profound sadness, self–contempt, and self–worthlessness, etc. And all these variations intensify your interpretation. When you are suffering anxiety, you may grasp the wrist of your significant other so tight that he would have the bruises. When your significant other is angry or irritated, he can grasp your shoulders so tightly that you would have the bruises. Or he can hug you so tightly that you would be nearly breathless.

7. Learn how to communicate authentically [nonverbal communication]

First, it is being totally Confused. Embarrassed. Indignant. Intimidated. Numb. Lost. First, nonverbal communication, based on unconditional love and mutual understanding confuses you. It embarrasses you. It interferes with your plans. It cancels something essential for you. It intervenes something valuable for you. It makes you breathless and numb. It makes you nervous. It makes you shocked. It makes you inspired. It makes your eyes languorous and glittering. It makes your smile curling up even if you want to hide it. It makes your hands trembling. It makes you glow from inside. It makes all your gestures gorgeous. It makes your breath hard. It makes your thoughts twisted up. It makes your remembrances fade. It makes you understand those glances, which haven’t been glimpsed yet. It makes you understand those words, which haven’t been uttered yet. It makes you understand those gestures, which haven’t been demonstrated yet. It makes you understand those smiles, that haven’t been curled yet. It makes you understand those thoughts, which haven’t been verbalized yet. It makes you understand those words, which are hidden in the soul through the flirtatious glance, through the intriguing smile, through a deep breath, through the delicate touch, through the single whispered word. You should learn how to communicate authentically nonverbally. Because this kind of communication is unsurpassable. It makes your relationship more cordial, more delicate, and utmost strong. Never ignore or neglect nonverbal communication with your significant other if you want your relationship to be deep.

8. Learn how to communicate authentically [verbal communication]

One of the most important component in the relationship is an authentic communication. Authentic communication is the communication where you can both feel heard. That means not only to communicate but also to listen and to hear each other. Conversation is the best way to cope with any situation. Conversation with your significant other, even if it is held in a whisper, is something inspiring, something that makes you think in a different way than you ever have before, but without ever losing sight of yourself and of who you are, something that helps you to stop thinking about status and self–importance and image and brand and all those other awful concepts.

Why is the conversation with your beloved so essential for you both? Delicate conversation is the only implicit and explicit thing that harmonizes and balances your relationship.

Conversation reveals verbally everything that is envisioned, considered, and supposed. It is a strong imperative of your relationship. Everything is based on words. Choosing the word, you are choosing your fortune and your beloved fortune. Everything is disrupted and is inspired by the conversation. Everything is revealed through the conversation. Everything is changed through the conversation. Everything is stabilized through the conversation. If you feel that something going wrong in your relationship, you NEED a conversation.

9. Never compare your relationship with someone else’s or to your past relationships

Comparisons become trouble when they start to affect your relationship. The comparisons with relationships happen in two ways, the first is comparing your relationship with someone else’s, and the second is comparing your current relationship, to your past relationships. The comparison is a toxic thing. It is toxic because it makes your thoughts concentrated on what you don’t have, instead of appreciating what you do have. After that, you feel anxiety, nervous tension, and frustration. It disrupts your emotional patterns and behavioral patterns. It makes you overemotional, overthinking, over-stressing. Conclusively, it interferes with your life, affecting your present relationship dramatically. Comparisons start when you start to compare what your ex–loved in your past did for you, compared to your significant other in your present.

Comparisons start when you make statements to your loved one, criticizing a current way of the love representation, based on the love you received from someone else. Maybe your much–loved significant other isn’t doing that for you, but your ex–loved sure did. But, new relationships should not be judged based on your past relations. You should be open with your significant other about your expectations, and your desires to be loved in certain ways. Getting upset at your significant other who doesn’t do the things your ex–loved one did, is a major mistake. Because everyone loves differently, and sometimes simple communication and understanding can teach your loved one how to show it to you in would like. Wondering how to stop comparing your past relationship to the present relationship? Wondering how to stop comparing the ways your ex–loved one represented and gave you his love? Then, the book the five love languages by gary chapman is highly recommended for both of you. Have you read the book the five love languages [Words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service and gift giving] by Gary Chapman? Wondering why should you read this book? When you understand your primary language of love and that of your significant other, you can make sure you are both getting your needs met.

To understand your style of love and the version of love you would like to receive, including your priorities and preferences for the love representation and the love presentation [how the love should be represented and given to you], it is highly recommended to glance through the work of the Five Love Languages [if you are interested in, please, follow the link to take the free quiz to find out your love language: http://www.5lovelanguages.com], which says there are five ways that we feel love and all of us have one or two that we are most “fluent” in. The five love languages are:

Words of affirmation – Receiving verbal acknowledgment, affirmation, relevance, respect, trust, validation; verbal [spoken] expressions of feelings;
Receiving gifts – getting physical things from loved ones;
Acts of service – love is felt when someone does something for us;
Affection – feel most connected with physical touch and adoration;
Quality time – spending uninterrupted, focused time with loved ones.

Then you can send the link to your loved one and ask him to take the quiz as well. Share your results with your loved one and ask he shares his with you. Only through understanding your language of love and your significant other’s language of love your relationship would be cordial, deep and strong. Without mutual understanding and unconditional love, it is impossible to keep your relationship glittering.

10. Stop criticizing yourself and your significant other even during the arguments

To be in the relationship seem to handle its complexities, and to uncover its mysteries. To be in the relationship seem to have the irrelevant thoughts about what you do want to criticize in your loved one. To be in the relationship seem to have the arguments from time to time. Sometimes it is better to glance at your significant other without uttering a single word. Sometimes it is better to comment something accurately when you are hugging each other. And sometimes it is better to have an open conversation instead of the argument. But not spontaneous conversation right now, as you have just finished reading the previous paragraph. Because spontaneous conversation may disrupt something essential in your relationship, may disrupt your vision, may interfere with your decisions, may force you to forget about your wishes. Before commenting something about your significant other, or about your relationship, you should understand that this may disrupt the trust, the cordiality, the delicacy, and the respect of your relationship. Before commenting something, think thrice. Think about the relevance of your commentaries, as your critique and comments must be valid. Think about the most probable reaction of your significant other. Think about the most probable consequences of your relationship. And only after that comment what you don’t like, don’t want, or don’t desire. is showing the parts of himself that aren’t beautiful. It means honesty in the ugliness. It means nights after arguments that aren’t romantic. It means nights that are real instead. It’s questioning your self–worth every night. It’s constantly wondering why you are not enough. It’s amplifying every minor flaw. It’s looking at yourself and not liking anything about you. It’s lying in the bed overthinking everything you have said and done because it must have been something you said, it must have been you. It’s feeling like you’ll never be loved because no one was able to love you back. No one you wanted truly wanted you. The same feels your significant other.

Most of the arguments start with control. Controlling behavior destroys a relationship in all manner of ways which the controller never envisions. Control always involves criticism. To control your loved one in a relationship, you will inevitably have to criticize him. If he is constantly being bossed in the relationship by you he will slowly but surely build up resentment towards you. The same thing happens if your loved one is constantly controlling you. Control disrupts the romance of the relationship, leaving the strong emotional abuse. Never be a controlling person. If your significant other loves to control you, have an open conversation with him about it. But don’t criticize his control. Because sometimes the control has a place because of an absolute love and the intention to prevent you from the undesirable situations or to protect you from something inevitable, or maybe there is something that shouldn’t be revealed. Remember that everyone is worth being respected. There is no relationship without respect. If there is no respect, there is the only argument. And nothing else. Annihilation of respect destroys the relationship. Not lasting love, not commitment. Definitely destruction. And it hurts me in the end, especially. If someone is controlling you, it’s difficult for you to have respect for that person. Likewise, if someone is easily able to control someone, it is difficult for them to respect the person they are controlling. Respect is the major, vital constituent to a relationship. Control destroys respect.

Both of you can be charming. And both of you can be too critical of everything and everyone, yourselves included. In this case, the future will only bring frustrations and pain, because your compulsions slowly wearing down his insecurities, and his compulsions slowly wearing down your insecurities. Ultimately, you are sitting opposite each other like the strangers, you are conversing with each other like the strangers, you are listening to each other like the strangers. When the sharp pain of loneliness strikes spontaneously, you both realize there is no one for you to turn to, that both of you are alone and miserable. There is a difference between accepting flaws and tolerating psychological abuse. There is a line between them. If you happily accept someone’s flaws, that’s love and if you do it forcefully or against your will, that’s abuse. It is also unrealistic to expect an equally measured response in every gesture of affection. Reality teaches all the time that love is unpredictable. Most commonly, if not all, there is always one who loves more and gives more than the other; and that person is usually the one who first fell in love. And this is the phenomenon of love. If your significant other is that person who first fell in love, then you should be tolerant of the ways he shows or gives you his love. Tolerance helps you not to get triggered by every little thing. When something upsetting happens, tolerance helps you to cope with your anger or anxiety, and not to immediately react. Tolerance helps you to take a few minutes, think about what has happened, and then respond. When you respond, you have a choice. You see the situation and can decide how you want to handle it. When you react, you have no choice. You say things you would deeply regret and can’t take back. Tolerance is a wonderful thing that harmonizes the relationship through the meaningful conversations.

CONCLUSION

A relationship requires conscious and constant effort, commitment, tolerance, sympathy, strength to be vulnerable, willingness to forgive, trust to walk into the unknown dimension and a passion which never fades. Love and relationship are very much interlinked, but there are still significant differences. Love could be so blind sometimes, it’s easy to get so wrapped in the drama and fantasy of it all that we let the simple things pass by. Love could make someone feel whole yet at the same time, it could make one feel empty with the mere absence of it. And, Yes, love is the essence of any relationship. While love can exist independent of relationship, no relationship can survive long without love. And while love is intangible, a relationship brings tangibility. If there is no love, the only thing the relationship brings is frustration. Everything is envisioned in a false light. Because you are tired. It doesn’t matter how many hours of sleep you get because after the argument still, you wake up feeling tired. Mentally exhausted. No amount of coffee and no amount of chocolate can cure it. The only cure you have is your control over your decisions. Even if you don’t have total control over your thoughts and your emotions, you have total control over your decisions, so you can make a change. But this change should be made through the meaningful conversation with your significant other. An open conversation is the most powerful method to make your relationship glow. Additionally, we have listed 10 things you should do differently to be great in the Relationship: