5 Things Pregnant Woman Wish You Knew

Surely, pregnancy is something mysterious, and something complicated. I cannot allow myself not to feel anger, confusion, embarrassment, frustration, sadness, sorrow, despair every moment these feelings appear in my soul. Sometimes I am trying to reshape my emotions and feelings. Sometimes I can do it. But sometimes I cannot. And when you are asking me: ‘What is going on? Why are you so confused?’, I just want you to know the five things I am too embarrassed to have an open conversation with you about. ‘I still do love you.’; ‘I am scared. Therefore, sometimes I misunderstand you. Forgive me that.’; ‘I Am Tired.’; ‘I want cordial conversations with you.’; ‘I want to be understood without uttering a single word. I want you to feel me.’ Five sentences, forty words, two emotions, two requests and one explanation. I do want you to know about that. Because it is really hard to cope with all surprises of the changing body. Because it is really hard to cope with all emotions I am experiencing during this time. Because it is really hard to cope with all feelings I cannot interpret by myself. Just glance through five things I do want you to understand about my psychology. And I do want you to do those little things I have told you.

1. ‘I still do love you.’

I still love you. Sometimes I am losing myself because of you. I have never convinced myself that your love is worth this madness, your love is worth this chaos because your love is so charming, so cordial, so delicate, and I can feel your love. With each day that passes, I have never had a single doubt if it truly is. everything that is done by you, is done with the utmost cordiality. With the utmost delicasy. With the utmost sympathy. With the utmost respect. Everything has a special deep meaning. And I can feel all that. Your glance is furtive but utmost deep as it penetrates through my soul. When your glance is fleeting and utmost wistful, I can feel that it ‘desires’ to ‘scream’ the sorrow. When your glance is withering, I can feel that it is the utmost delicate as it ‘wants’ to ‘shout’ the indignation. Your languorous dark eyes are glittering in the utmost flirtatious way as they ‘communicate’ with me secretly. Your charming smile is utmost intriguing as it ‘wants’ to ‘show’ that there is something else. Words are chosen accurately and whispered in the utmost sparkling delicate tone. Gestures are utmost gorgeous. Touch is utmost sensetive. Wrist–holdings are utterly cordial. Everything has a definite deep feeling. Everything has a special emphases. Everything has a special charm. Things are done exclusively because they appear sophisticated and impressive. Everything is done according to the personal preferences. Everything is done with the utmost attention. I notice everything. I want you to know that I still love you. You are the first person I am thinking when I am still dreaming in the morning, and the last person I am thinking about when I am falling asleep. And I do want you to continue doing all these little things because they represent that you love me. You will never fade away because I will always have the love for you hiding somewhere in my heart, and this feeling is strong. I just want you to know that I love you.’

2. ‘I am scared. Therefore, sometimes I misunderstand you. Forgive me that.’

‘When the time comes, I will begin to pull myself away from you, a little bit at a time. Slowly, you will start to notice my distance, my absence. Why will I do that? Because I am scared. I am scared of my changing body shape. I am scared of my bump. I am scared of myself. I am scared of my pregnancy. My pregnancy is completely inspiring. And completely breathtaking. It is like being caught up between two extremes. Between inspiration and intimidation. Sometimes, I am thinking that this pregnancy is a miracle. Sometimes, I am thinking that I haven’t found that miraculous connection yet. Sometimes, I am thinking what is going on. Sometimes I am utterly angry. Sometimes I am deeply frustrated. You are not the reason behind my tears. I am just utterly scared.’ Sometimes it is impossible for me to interpret correctly your cordiality. Sometimes everything is interpreted in the wrong way. Your sparkling emotions are Interpreted and understood [cognitively] as show off. Your glittering emotions are interpreted and understood [cognitively] as an utter contempt. Your gorgeous glance is interpreted and understood [cognitively] as a withering glance or as an indignant glance. Your glimmering smile is interpreted and understood [cognitively] as a supercilious smile. Every touch is interpreted and understood [cognitively] as a heavy touch. Every wrist–holding is interpreted and understood [cognitively] as a painful grasp. Every whispered word brings emotional abuse. Every whispered word in one more voice’s tone is interpreted and understood as an insult. Every wrist–holding is understood as a physical abuse and may result in the visible bruises on the wrists. 

But still, I love you. I want you just understand that I am scared. therefore, sometimes I misunderstand you. Forgive me that. Because I deeply love you.’

3. ‘I Am Tired’.

‘It doesn’t matter how many hours of sleep I get because I still wake up feeling tired. Emotionally exhausted. Mentally exhausted. Physically exhausted. No amount of cocoa or chocolate can cure it. I have been through so much; you can see it in my eyes, feel it in my touch, and hear it in my tone. I am extremely tired. Nothing can cure it. Therefore, I have changed. I keep you at a distance, never letting you get too close, only loving you so deeply, from afar. I hide behind a smile, holding back my tears. I am exhausted. I am tired of worrying about my pregnancy. I am tired of constantly being turned down and disappointed. Tired of being angry, anxious, confused, embarrassed, indignant, and intimidated. I cannot understand how something so beautiful has brought me so much pain. I cannot understand why I cannot interpret what I feel wholeheartedly. Just, I want you to know that I dote you on. Just, I want you to know that I want more cordial wrist–holdings from you. Just, I want you to know that I want more passionate hugs with you. Just, I want you to know that I want more glowing glances from you. Just, I want you to know that I want more understanding smiles from you. Just, I want you to know that I want more cordial conversations with you. Just, I want you to know that I want more comforting words from you.’

4. ‘I want cordial conversations with you.’

‘I want you to spend more time with me. I want you to hug me. I want you to talk to me. I want you to listen and hear me. I want a cordial conversation with you, even if it is held in a whisper, because it is something inspiring, something that makes me think in a different way than I ever have before, but without ever losing sight of myself and of who I am, something that helps me to stop thinking about status and self–importance and image and brand and all those other awful concepts. Because conversation reveals verbally everything that is envisioned, considered, and supposed. Everything is based on words. Everything is disrupted and IS inspired by the conversation. Everything is revealed through the conversation. Everything is changed through the conversation. Everything is stabilized through the conversation. When I feel that something is going wrong, I just want a conversation with you. I want a flow of conversation with you, and not through text messaging. I want a flow of verbal conversation. Conversation with wonderful eyes. Conversation with glowing glances. Conversation in hushed voices. Conversation with gorgeous smiles. Conversation with transparent drops of tears. Conversation with hugs. Conversations with holding only the fingertips. Conversations with holding only the wrists. Conversations with holding only the shoulders. Conversations without words. Conversations with only hugs and glances. I need the cordial conversations because I need you. Your tone makes everything around me sparkling and soothes me.’

5. ‘I want to be understood without uttering a single word. I want you to feel me.’

‘Sometimes my love is hidden behind anger. Sometimes my love is hidden behind capriciousness. Sometimes my love is hidden behind frustration. Sometimes my love is hidden behind indignation. Sometimes my love is hidden behind irritation. Sometimes my love is hidden behind ignorance. Sometimes my love is hidden behind negligence. Sometimes the days which begin with the gorgeous sunshine, spring notes of the delicate scents, and the trust based on the intriguing conversations, everything that makes the dazzling spring luxury so cordial, and so beautiful, hide something hideous. Something that shouldn’t be yours or mine. Something that presents only the awful collisions, confusion, embarrassment, frustration, grief, – all that had to disappear from my life, from your life, enters it again. Sometimes I feel that everything is collapsed and disrupted, or even there is nothing I can change to make the situation better. Everything around me glitters, glows, and sparkles, but for me, everything is faded because I lost myself. And sometimes I cannot understand that the loss was necessary to happen, or the worst situation was necessary to occur to alter everything and to bring into my life the love and after that the inspiration. But i do want you just understand me without words. Because sometimes I cannot explain to you what I feel. Because the explanation will bring all the faded remembrances I wish I had forgotten very vivid. Those remembrances, which are envisioned in my mind from time to time, no matter how much time has passed. I do want you to feel me. I do want you to soothe my anxious mind in the moments when I am staying numb after the deepest embarrassment, the deepest frustration, or the deepest grief. Sometimes I want the conversations without words. With only our glances.’

CONCLUSION

The relationship requires conscious and constant effort, commitment, tolerance, sympathy, strength to be vulnerable, willingness to forgive, trust to walk into the unknown dimension and a passion which never fades. Love and relationship are very much interlinked, but there are still significant differences. You have been through so much; she can see it in your glimmering eyes, feel it in your delicate touch, and hear it in your accurate tone. She has been through so much; you can see it in her glimmering eyes, feel it in her delicate touch, and hear it in her accurate tone. Embrace all your feelings, embrace all her feelings and have a cordial conversation together.