A Guide to Surrogate Matching Process for Intended Parents

Considering Surrogacy? This Guide Explains the Matching Process From First Step To Finding Your Ideal Match

Finding the most compatible surrogacy match is a foundation for a successful surrogacy journey. Hiring a perfect surrogate mother with whom you feel a cordial connection and can work closely in tandem is not an easy thing, especially if this is your first surrogacy journey and you need help figuring out where to start, how to manage everything, and what to expect.

Some prospective parents may look into surrogacy communities or networks to find a good candidate to be their gestational carrier, while others delegate this responsibility to surrogacy agencies, anticipating the match meetings with eagerness and hope. Matching surrogates and aspiring parents and referring both parties to IVF clinic are core services offered by surrogacy agencies. Choosing the right path depends on your individual needs and preferences. Consulting with experienced professionals can help you navigate this exciting yet complex journey and ensure a positive experience for both you and your potential surrogate.

Getting Started with Surrogate Matching Process

For prospective parents considering surrogacy, the initial steps are crucial in setting the stage for a positive experience. Whether you choose to find a surrogate independently or work with an agency, thorough research and clear communication are essential.

Independent Matching:

If you choose to find a surrogate independently, you will need to conduct thorough research and reach out to potential candidates through trusted networks. Establishing clear communication and understanding relevant legal aspects are vital in this initial phase.

Agency Matching:

Surrogacy agencies offer a more structured matching process. As a new client, you will complete a detailed profile outlining your preferences, expectations, and values. Following this, a case manager will guide you through a comprehensive video call to understand your needs and expectations. This ensures everyone is on the same page about wait times, screening processes, and the journey ahead.

If you choose to proceed with the agency, a dedicated matching specialist will work closely with you to find the best possible surrogate match. This professional facilitates introductions, guides both parties through initial relationship building, and ensures compatibility. Considering your profiles, preferences, and personalities, they create a harmonious match, setting the foundation for a positive surrogacy experience.

While the matching process can be nerve-wracking, working with an agency can make it seamless and less stressful. Their team hand-selects meaningful matches based on your preferences, along with additional criteria like shared views, location, legal compatibility, and other relevant factors.

Surrogate and Intended Parent Matching Considerations

When gestational surrogate mothers and intended parents begin their journey with an agency, they embark on a meticulous process designed to ensure the best possible match. Surrogacy specialists pose in–depth questions to both parties to understand their preferences, expectations, and values. Matching specialists dedicate themselves to supporting intended parents, while Surrogate Mothers Coordinators and Surrogate Advisors guide surrogate mothers through every step of the process.

Key Considerations for Surrogacy Match:

Top Qualities: What essential qualities do you seek in a surrogate mother or prospective parents? Identifying these traits helps to align values and expectations, ensuring a compatible match.
Vision for the Journey: What does a successful surrogacy journey look like to you? Ensuring that both parties share a similar vision for the journey helps create a solid foundation for the relationship.
Communication Level: What level of communication is desired during and after the surrogacy? This encompasses a range of interactions, from regular updates and check–ins to more involved participation. For surrogate mothers, it’s important to consider whether you would be comfortable with the intended parents accompanying you to doctor’s appointments. On the flip side, intended parents need to reflect on their own desires and expectations: Would you like to be present at your surrogate mother’s doctor appointments? Establishing clear expectations regarding these interactions ensures that both parties are comfortable and in agreement, creating a supportive environment and preventing potential misunderstandings.
Location Preferences: Where would you prefer your surrogate mother or intended parents to be located? This could range from a preference for a specific state or area of the country to considerations of international arrangements.
Embryo Transfer: How many embryos are intended to be transferred? This could be a single embryo or multiple embryos, depending on various factors, including medical advice and personal preferences.
Views on Selective Reduction and Termination: What are your views on selective reduction and termination? This is a crucial aspect to discuss and align on, as it touches on sensitive and potentially complex ethical decisions.

By delving into these considerations, the agency ensures a thorough understanding of both parties’ preferences, creating a tailored matching process. This attention to detail is vital in finding a surrogate mother and intended parents who are not just compatible but also share a mutual respect and understanding, laying the groundwork for a successful and harmonious surrogacy journey.

Finding The Right Surrogate Match

While the agency’s Matching Specialists do a phenomenal job of matching prospective parents and prospective surrogate mothers, introducing both parties during the match meetings, there are times when they will share a match that doesn’t feel right. Giving honest feedback on why you are saying no to a match will help them get it right the second time while doing the rematching. Full service agency professionals will listen to your considerations, and if you are ready to move forward, in the shortest time you will be introduced to a new pre-screened gestational carrier.

The criteria you use to determine a good match is personal to you and can include:

Personal Motivations: Some prospective parents are getting to know why a gestational carrier has chosen to embark on a surrogacy journey. Knowing her motivations can help in establishing a deeper connection and ensuring that her values align with yours.
Surrogate Mother’s Perspective: Some surrogate mothers like to hear the intended parents’ story — how they met, previous parenthood or surrogacy experiences (if any), and why they are interested in growing their family through surrogacy. This helps in creating a sense of trust and understanding from the very beginning.
Lifestyle Choices: Intended parents might have preferences regarding the surrogate mother’s lifestyle choices during pregnancy, such as diet, exercise, and avoiding certain substances.
Previous Surrogacy Experiences: If the surrogate mother has been a part of surrogacy journeys before, knowing her experiences and what she might do differently this time can provide valuable insights.
Expectations for Post–Birth Relationship: Discussing and aligning on what kind of relationship all parties expect to maintain after the birth of the child is essential. This could range from regular updates and visits to a more hands–off approach.
Support System: Understanding the surrogate mother’s support system, including her family and friends, can give intended parents a sense of security, knowing that she has a solid network around her.
Communication Styles: Paying attention to how the surrogate mother communicates, whether she is open and expressive or more reserved, can help in gauging whether her communication style matches your expectations.

In the end, finding the right match is about creating a partnership based on trust, understanding, and shared expectations. While the agency’s role is crucial in facilitating this match, the intended parents and surrogate mother play an integral part in ensuring that the match feels right for everyone involved. Open and honest communication throughout this process is key to establishing a strong foundation for a successful surrogacy journey.

What to Expect from the First Match Meeting?

Feeling nervous, sometimes even anxious, while also being excited about meeting your surrogate mother for the first time is entirely normal. This meeting is a significant step in your surrogacy journey, and it’s natural to want everything to go smoothly.

The best way to foster a good connection during the Match Meeting is to be authentic and allow the conversation to flow naturally. Both intended parents and surrogate mothers are there to learn more about each other to ensure they are making the right decision. It’s a mutual selection process where compatibility and comfort are key.

Before the meeting, as prospective parents, you will have the opportunity to review the surrogate mother’s profile thoroughly. This helps in preparing for the meeting, ensuring you are ready to share your own story and what led you to choose surrogacy. Reflecting on your journey and being able to articulate your reasons and feelings can help in creating a genuine connection.

It is also essential to discuss your expectations regarding the level of desired communication during and after the surrogacy journey. Establishing clear expectations from the start helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures that everyone is on the same page.

However, it’s essential to keep the first conversation light and not overwhelm the surrogate mother with a list of requirements. Building a relationship takes time, and the first meeting is just the starting point. Start by introducing yourselves, sharing your stories, and asking about her motivations and experiences. Discussing general lifestyle questions can also help in breaking the ice and starting the conversation on a positive note.

Remember, the goal of the first match meeting is to make a great first impression, establish a connection, and determine if there is a potential for a good match. Being open, honest, and respectful sets the foundation for a successful relationship throughout the surrogacy journey.

Understanding the Matching Criteria in Surrogacy Process

Social Compatibility:

Personality Alignment: Finding a good match requires aligning personalities between the surrogate mother and the intended parents. This ensures a harmonious and comfortable relationship throughout the surrogacy journey.
Shared Journey Goals: Both parties should have compatible expectations and desires for the surrogacy process, establishing a mutual understanding and shared vision.

Medical Compatibility:

Physician’s Evaluation: The intended parents’ IVF physician plays a vital role in determining the medical suitability of the surrogate mother. They review the surrogate mother’s past OB/GYN records and delivery history as a preliminary step.
Comprehensive Screening: Following the initial match, the surrogate mother undergoes a thorough in–person medical evaluation to confirm her fitness for the surrogacy journey.

Legal Compatibility:

Navigating State Laws: Given that surrogacy laws vary by state in the U.S., it’s essential to ensure legal compatibility. Agencies typically work with surrogate mothers from states with surrogacy–friendly laws.
International Considerations: For intended parents residing outside the U.S., the agency’s legal team ensures that the surrogate mother’s state laws align with the intended parents’ home country laws, ensuring a legally secure arrangement.

Financial Compatibility:

Balancing Financial Expectations: Recognizing that surrogacy costs can fluctuate based on numerous factors, surrogacy professionals work diligently to align the financial capacities and expectations of both the surrogate mother and the intended parents.

By accurately evaluating these criteria, agencies strive to create matches that are not only viable but also supportive and harmonious, setting the stage for a successful surrogacy experience.

How Long Does It Take To Be Matched With a Surrogate?

Almost all prospective parents want to know how long it will take to match with a surrogate mother. The duration of this process can vary significantly, influenced by a multitude of factors unique to each case. On average, some agencies may facilitate a match within 3 months, while others might have an average matching time of 6–10 months. In certain situations, particularly when there are very specific requirements or constraints, the process could extend beyond 12 months.

Several elements contribute to this variance in timing. The availability of surrogate mothers, the specific preferences and requirements of the intended parents, and the efficiency of the agency’s matching process all play integral roles. Additionally, the geographic location of both parties, legal considerations, and the surrogate’s medical suitability also impact the timeline.

It’s important for intended parents to enter the process with realistic expectations, understanding that finding the perfect match is vital and can take time. Patience and open communication with the surrogacy agency can help navigate this period, ensuring a match that aligns well with the intended parents’ vision for their surrogacy journey.

Wrapping Things Up

In conclusion, finding your perfect match is essential for a successful and harmonious surrogacy journey. Whether you choose to navigate this path independently or seek the expertise of a surrogacy agency, understanding the matching criteria and having clear communication is vital. From ensuring social, medical, legal, and financial compatibility to patiently waiting for the right match, every step in this journey requires careful consideration and attentiveness. With the right support and resources, intended parents can find a surrogate mother who not only meets their criteria but also shares in their excitement and vision for bringing a new life into the world. This partnership, built on trust, respect, and mutual understanding, lays the foundation for a positive surrogacy experience, ultimately leading to the fulfillment of parenthood dreams.